I'm going to show this now, and then go through it again at the end of the article, because it makes so little sense that it needs to be absorbed in stages if you hope to make it through the rest of the day without an anyeurism.
Behold, An American Carol:
Now, as a Cracked blogger, and someone whom you clearly look to for political and moral cues, I've consistently held myself to the high standards of the objective journalist, with only occasional lapses (see "Why Florida Can Suck a Dick," "Fuck Orson Scott Card," and many others).
I can't tell you how many times a week I delete the word "douche-ass" from an article to replace it with the more neutral and objective "ass cleansing bulb." At least fourteen. Frankly, I don’t even know anymore; I just run a “replace all.” As you can tell, months of blogging have left me an angry man with a dwindling vocabulary.
And that is why I’m absolutely fucking ecstatic to find out that after years of
The Daily Show and Colbert Report dominating the field of political satire like white knights taking on a drunk peewee soccer team, right wing satirists are at last stepping up to the plate and taking aim at the many Democrats running rampant in the Republican White House and
Republican-controlled Senate I suck. IT’S ABOUT TIME.
Conservative satire has had a shaky history, primarily because a Republican telling you a joke is almost exactly like your uncle telling you a joke at Thanksgiving when you’re eight: he’s only doing it to humor you, and he’s probably just cleaning up something from a Playboy cartoon.
When your image is that of a stolid, responsible, distant father figure, it’s damn hard to smoothly transition into the world of clowning. Which explains not only the lack of right wing humor in mainstream media, but also my awkward, painful relationship with my own father and his failed party clown business.
As one of the earliest examples, take the