The Funky Bunch Have Some Bad News For Mark Wahlberg
Mark Wahlberg strides into the Funkodrome, sporting his original 1991 Calvin Klein Jeans slung suggestively beneath the elastic band of a pair of boxers. The chiseled crevice between his beefy pecs guide the eye up towards his head, where a baseball cap is perched, mischievously askew. Scottie Gee, Duffle, Ashey Ace, DJ-T and Hector the Bootie Inspector sink deeper into their 5-man Luv Sac, avoiding eye contact.
Hey guys! Guess who heard about the reunion tour!
After an intense whispering match, Ashey Ace is elected to break the news to Marky, and he solemnly stands.
What’s going on? Come on guys; let’s load up the van and get going! I canceled everything for the next two months!
Listen, Marky, about the tour…
Sensing something is wrong, Mark lets the basketball jersey draped over his shoulder slip to the floor.
You can’t be serious.
Look, we all talked it over, and…
Come on guys! It’s me! Marky!
He busts out a flashy ankle-driven body spin. The silence in the room is deafening.
We just think The Bunch is going in a different direction.
Hector the Bootie Inspector is overcome by inner shame.
HECTOR THE BOOTIE INSPECTOR
It’s nothing personal.
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael watches Three Kings on DVD as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!