Lifeline

When somebody says they want to "play doctor" with their G.I. Joes, you assume they're talking about block sanding the vest off of a Scarlet figure (because, though they're only eight years old and don't fully understand sex yet, they

Airtight

Airtight was the G.I. Joe's hostile environment cleanup expert, and he was a particularly disappointing gift to receive as a child: On first impression, all you see is a guy in a bitchin' helmet holding some gigantic gun. It's only when you rip open his box all excited, then flip it over to read his card that you slowly come to realize he does not spew toxic acid on his enemies (that's probably a substantially more awesome Cobra figure); Airtight is just the guy you call to cordon off the area afterward to make sure nobody steps in it.

"Don't forget to wash your hands! Lather, rinse, repeat, DIE!"

Tollbooth

Tollbooth was the driver for the Joe's Bridge Layer vehicle, which had just enough moving parts to seem awesome for a week, but then spent the next eight years in your little brother's closet when you realized its primary battlefield role was "support." Tollbooth himself came equipped with a hammer and a hat, because nothing ignites a young boy's imagination like workplace safety.

"This is a hardhat only zone! OSHA will have my ass...if I don't blow yours away first!"

Shipwreck

Shipwreck seems impossible to dismiss, if only because he was a main character that the cartoon used extensively. Whether they were rapelling into an active volcano or fighting B.A.T.s on the moon, G.I. Joe always had a seat set aside for the loud and proud sailor and his terrifying battle parrot.

"BOOM! YUMMY!"

But look at the other Joes: Each one has a very specific specialty. There are characters that only drive one vehicle, only use one weapon, or only do one thing well - hell, Muskrat basically just climbed trees

Tripwire

Tripwire was G.I. Joe's designated mine detector. Not 'explosives expert' or even 'bomb disposal unit' - he just and only detected landmines. He came with no weapons, devices, or novelty items. All he had was a metal detector, a few landmines to detect and, according to his package art up there, a seriously out of proportion sense of self worth. But wait, back up to that middle part - he brought his own landmine to detect, just in case there weren't any in the battle?! And there

Law

Law came with a German Shepherd named Order, and at first glance, nothing seemed more awesome. The only Assigned Reading book a grade school boy actually read was Call of the Wild, because, to a fourth grader, nothing says 'badass' like being best friends with a wolf or other similarly threatening canine. But Law was another trapdoor disappointment just waiting to swing open: You read his bio card on the back of the box, and you find out that Law was the G.I. Joe's MP.

That stands for Military Police.

"Move along, nothing to see here. Except my fist!

Dial Tone

Dial Tone was the Communications officer, which means that sweet robot backpack he came with - the one you always stuck on other figures and pretended was a jetpack -- was actually supposed to be a radio. Dial Tone was Tripwire all over again: Yes, it's a job that needs doing on the real battlefield, but when you've taken enough liberties with the premise of modern warfare that you have an entire Ninja unit, you can probably just glaze over the day to day duties of the CB Radio operator.

"Come in? Come in? I'm not receiving you...BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAD!"

Mainframe

Mainframe was G.I. Joe's computer specialist. Some Joes piloted the Hawkopters, some Joes fired the Ice Laser Cannons, some Joes were counter-Samurai experts, and some Joes were just fluent in Python and C++. Hey, even Snake Eyes gets a driver conflict now and again, and that, baby, is