6 Celebrity Endorsements Obama Should Have Turned Down
As promised in my article about crazy people endorsing John McCain, I've gone out and found the corresponding crazy-Obamadorsments.



Rosie O’Donnell/Michael Moore

The O’Moorenell Bump:
You’ve got to give Mosie an “A” for effort. Whatever their support for Obama may lack in credibility, they make up for with repetition and, well, making things up. One of them was recently named one of the 100 most influential people by Time, and the other tosses a wicked Koosh ball. And with O’Moorenell putting their nasal, blasting voices to work on The View and in a string of hit documentaries, an endorsement from the bloated beast ought to be highly prized.The Crazy:


What The Endorsement Says About The Campaign:
5. Christopher Hitchens

The Hitchens Bump:
One of the world’s leading antitheists and philosophical speakers, Hitchens is like catnip to the elites. Not a lot can tie up the intellectual, liberal vote quite like the endorsement of a God-hating philosopher and political pundit. If he happens to call himself an “independent secular humanist” and refuses to align himself with one political party, all the better. Democrats love that shit. Plus he’s got a British accent, which plays with smart crowds almost as well as with College girls.The Crazy:
There may be such a thing as too elite. Sure, Barack wants to be portrayed as the intelligent, well-spoken candidate, but Hitchens’ brand of “I’m right, you’re wrong” rhetoric can alienate, say, everyone who doesn’t agree with him on every issue.
What The Endorsement Says About The Campaign:
4. Dennis Hopper

The Hopper Bump:
Certainly, the endorsement of any Academy Award-nominee is a plus. After all, the American people take nothing to heart so much as the political stances of the giant people they see on the big light screen. Hopper’s also getting up in years, and with Newman gone, he’s one of the leading contenders for “respectable, grizzled older actor guy,” a coveted prize for politicians and embarrassingly young trophy wives alike. Besides, winning the support of a guy who donated thousands of dollars to the Republican National Committee in 2004 and 2005 and is appearing inThe Crazy:
Hopper’s always been pigeonholed as the “manically insane guy,” and there may be a reason for that. He’s run the rehab gamut, had a one week marriage, and was at one time blacklisted in Hollywood for refusing direction on eighty takes over the course of a few days. But the incident that got him on this list involves him and Rip Torn having an altercation (insofar as one is capable of having an altercation with Rip Torn) on the set of Easy Rider. The details are hazy, but Hopper was ultimately fined $900,000 for pulling a knife on Torn, which is like pulling a knife on Smokey the Bear. Which is to say, not cool. Of course, this only came to light in 1999, after Hopper claimed that Rip Torn pulled a knife on

What The Endorsement Says About The Campaign:
50 Cent

The Fiddy Bump:
Candidates are always looking for ways to electrify the youth, and with two Platinum albums under his belt, 50 has a proven track record of saying words into the ears of young people all across America. Of course, that doesn’t mean they’ll do everything he says. If it did, candy shops everywhere would be doing record lollypop business.
The Crazy:
I’m not going to call 50 Cent crazy for selling crack and running guns and drug money since the age of twelve. As someone who’s been in that boat more times than I care to recall, I understand that there are days when a rock and a Glock are your only friends. Besides, if that were the standard of insanity for rappers, this list would become longer than the amount of words I’m paid to write. Where Fiddy distinguishes himself from the common celebrity psychopath is in his seeming unawareness that he no longer needs to get shot at. After soaking up more gunfire than Beirut, making a video game about it, and appearing in a movie with DeNiro and Pacino, he still seems to go out of his way to piss off guys with guns.
What The Endorsement Says About The Campaign:
Phil Spector

The Spector Bump:
Spector invented the “wall of sound” production technique, which definitely sounds like an effective campaigning tool. And when it comes to getting your message repeated on the airwaves, Spector can’t be beat. After all, he produced the Righteous Brother’sThe Crazy:
Unfortunately, he was wearing that pin at his murder trial. For murder. And he looks like this:
What The Endorsement Says About The Campaign:
Louis Farrakhan
The Farrakhan Bump:

The Crazy:


What The Endorsement Says About The Campaign:
When not writing for Cracked, Michael lives in a state of constant political neutrality as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!