The 6 Craziest Villains Ever Defeated by Snack Cakes
In 1977, Hostess started an ad campaign that featured superheroes fighting crime with fruit pies, Twinkies and cup cakes. As you might imagine, they were insane. Mega-powered beings were facing off against criminals whose plans fell apart every time someone tossed them a snack. Writers had to invent spectacularly ridiculous villains for this to work, and here are the six greatest.
The Borrower!
The Borrower's crime spree was doomed from the start, but it's a special kind of shitty luck when you snatch Wonder Woman's purse. She spends most of her superhero days being chloroformed and hogtied by Egg Fu or Baron Blitzkrieg, so a normal guy with a pile of napkins and a pen is like Christmas. It was such a relaxing day of crimefighting that she went shopping before she bothered to put on her costume.

What Message Did This Ad Send?
Hostess-brand snacks were involved in the apprehending of The Borrower, but I don't think we should give them too much credit. At best, Wonder Woman or her pastries gave the arresting officers something to think about while they slept with their wives later. Besides showing a future generation the criminal stupidity of a subprime mortgage-based economy, this ad only drives home how difficult it is to find any kind of practical use for a Twinkie. They're great for lubricating the insides of a digestive system, but if you look at the nutritional information on one, it's just a transcription of a doctor laughing. Twinkies were originally invented to smuggle hog factory runoff into children.
Now that I think about it, why are 60 Twinkies the only thing that Wonder Woman carries in her purse? I guess a comic writer thought about a woman's needs and only came up with "unsaturated fat and dick shapes."The Roller Disco Devils!

This no-eating-the-snacks rule was so important that you can see in the final panel where someone clumsily erased a fruit pie from the Incredible Hulk's hand, yet they left in the scene where he brutally executed six men over a noise ordinance violation. I mean, this massacre is an overreaction even by Hulk standards:

What Message did this Ad Send?
Hostess fruit pies taste so good that getting between them and children, even unintentionally, is punishable by death. Also, what kind of a city is held hostage by disco roller skaters? The people in that town are such pussies that their water faucets are labelled "Breast Milk" and "Massengil."
"Spindly" Klutz!

What Message did this Ad Send?
I honestly have no idea. If you tried to type this garbage today, your word processing software would autocorrect it to "I am a fucking idiot." I do wish we knew more about "Spindly" Klutz's insane abilities, though. Are these half-people dying? Is that opaque privacy screen over his victims' internal organs part of his super power, or is flat, gray nothingness just what a human body looks like while it digests a Twinkie?The Chairman!

What Message did this Ad Send?
Twinkies can do anything. The children throw Twinkies at the crime, and by the very next panel Spider-Man is free and the bad guy is a talking chair. Whatever those Twinkies did when we weren't looking, it was
One of those golden sponge cakes landed up the barrel of The Chairman's gun! Do you have any idea how much grease you need to have on the surface of an object to slide it into a hole 1/8th its size from 10 yards away? I do, ladies. You should really see some of these X-rays.
Simon Taylor!

What Message did this Ad Send?
The fuck if I know. I've seen enough Gary Busey movies to spot when someone's brain is 80 percent motorcycle accident, but that doesn't mean I can understand what they're talking about.The Ding-A-Ling Family!

What Message did this Ad Send?
What message didn't it send? I can't say enough about the elegance of this writing. In the middle of a fist fight, without a narrator, the author somehow explains to Thor and the readers that if you get your sister pregnant, the babies will be immune to hammers. This writer could adapt The Great Gatsby for a bumper sticker.
