The 5 Biggest News Stories You Missed During Election Season
![The 5 Biggest News Stories You Missed During Election Season](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/8/2/7/12827.jpg?v=1)
Well folks, it's over. Barack Obama is the 44th President of the United States, John McCain is crying over an early bird dinner special somewhere in Phoenix, and meteorologists are predicting a 99% chance of beautiful rainbows shooting out of everyone in America's asses at least through the end of this weekend.
I guess this means election season is officially over. It's been a wild ride, what with all the plumbers and slander and Palin-themed hardcore pornography, and if you're like me, you probably got caught up in it like everyone else. And while it's all well and good to follow politics, when the mainstream media focuses its attention so narrowly on one particular story, it's easy for other equally (if not more) important stories to fall through the cracks.
This week on Ross Wolinsky Hates The Internet, I'd like to bring you up to speed on some of the stories you might have missed thanks to election fever.
BONO BUSTED!!!
Remember Bono? You know - the world-famous frontman of the 22-Grammy-Award-winning, 140-million-album-selling rock band U2? You know - the guy who is as well known for his philanthropic work as he is for singing in one of the most successful rock bands of the 20th century? Well guess what? Pictures of him surfaced on Facebook that show him enjoying a "RENDEZVOUS" with two "SEXY TEENS!" Let's take a look at the picture, shall we?
That's a rendezvous face if I've ever seen one.
TARA REID IS SAD!!!
If you're a serious news junkie like I am, then you probably remember hearing about Tara Reid's botched plastic surgeries back in 2006. Well after some new pictures surfaced of her terrifying, Silly Putty-like horror-abs last month,"Wah wah boo hoo I ruined my body sniff sniff."
This is by far the dumbest photoshopped image I have ever created - and this is coming from a guy who once made a picture of the General Lee fucking the Batmobile.
GWEN STEFANI AND GAVIN ROSSDALE'S BABY GOT HIS FIRST LIBRARY CARD!!!
Let me get this straight - you didn't know that Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale took their baby Zuma to get his first library card? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I, on the other hand, knew about this story as soon as it broke thanks to the power of Google Alerts:RISING FOOD PRICES ARE PUSHING MILLIONS TO THE BRINK OF STARVATION.
Due to the rising cost of yadda-yadda-yadda, increasing reliance on blah-blah-blah in the third world, and catastrophic yackety-yack due to climate something-or-other,Bono: too busy with sexy teen rendezvouses to save the world right now.
YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT K-FED DID!!!!!!
Celebrity gossip gets a bad rap sometimes. Sure, the paparazzi routinely ruin celebrities' lives, and yes, peoples' hunger for trashy tabloids makes everyone less informed about important world events of actual consequence, but when the mainstream media is busy covering a Presidential election or an economic crisis or a war in Iraq (if, hypothetically, the war in Iraq was getting any coverage), when the mainstream media has its hands full and can't be bothered, then tell me this: WHO'S KEEPING AN EYE ON K-FED? Can you imagine if the paparazzi had been out chasing after Obama last week? If they'd followed the herd like the rest of the MSM, we might have never known that this happened:I AM TOO SHOCKED BY THIS TO EVEN WRITE A CAPTION.