Store Update: A Sale as Black as the Frozen Heart of Winter


Did you know that zombie apocalypse prep is also polar vortex prep? Stocking up on supplies, reinforcing your shelter, gathering loved ones who won't turn into annoying subplots when the chips are down ... it's all part of the survive-terrifying-numbers waiting game. And since the world can turn any apartment into a Wearegettingthroughthisgoddamnit Bunker, why not make the space you're hunkered down in worth the hunkering?

We've Got a New Shirt


If nothing else, this winter has afforded you a lot of time to binge-watch TV, and what better way to honor the medium than by celebrating the longest running fictional station on the longest running show on television? KBBL is as ubiquitous in the Simpsons universe as The Simpsons is in our universe, so really the most appropriate way to tell television you love it is by wearing one of these KBBL Channel 6 shirts. This design came to us from Matt Lyons, winner of the contest "Create a Shirt That Must Exist in Your Favorite Fictional Universe." Matt won $500 for his effort, and if that sounds like easy money, we run a new contest every month. We also have an open submission thread for shirt ideas where you can submit any time you want and we'll pick our favorites. We absolutely will not use your idea without paying you.

Our Winter Sale

The harsher your January, the more of your own clothes you need to wear at all times. That's why we're going out of our way to help you build a fabric bodyfort of epic proportions in the most metal way we can:

Store Update: A Sale as Black as the Frozen Heart of Winter

All those metal bands from Europe's frosty north know that black is the color of "fuck this horrific temperature, which I am experiencing in Celsius, I'm going outside anyway." So we're putting all of our black T-shirts on sale, 15 percent off until January 21. Wear the best president across your chest like he's a thrashcore front man from Upper Finland. Your body's natural inclination toward blistering rock-warmth will do the rest.

Our Weekly Dose of Shirt Envy

Even with our wild success in the Cracked Dispensary and the way in which we've quietly defined the voice of a generation one shirt at a time (TIME magazine's words, not ours), we aren't above sharing. There are designers out there who are making shirts that are so funny, clever, or downright cool that it would be a disservice not to share them with you. So if for some reason you don't like the fact that our shirts are sweatshop-free and as comfortable as a warm hug, there are plenty of other people out there we'd love to see you support, and at least five are below:


Store Update: A Sale as Black as the Frozen Heart of Winter

Available from Shirtoid

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