Anyway, the Old Gods haven't taken kindly to their demotion, and resent your lack of blood rites and animal sacrifices and creepy drumming.
So what do I do?
First, you're going to need to light a shitload of candles.
How many is that?
Well, how many candles can you shit?
The Old Gods are very literal. And they're into some things. So. How many candles could you shit?
Depending on the shape ... let's say two. Three if, uh, conditions are favorable.
OK, good. Light three candles, then. Next, we need to sacrifice an animal to appease the Old Gods.
I'd kind of rather not sacrifice any animals. My neighbors have been very patient with me.
That's fine. The Old Gods aren't actually that bright. If you've got, like, a box of frozen chicken strips ...
I have exactly that.
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Of course you do.
Good, now take that into the circle of candles ...
I only lit two.
I thought we settled on three.
I only had two.
Well that's hardly a circle, is it? Whatever. Stand between your two candles, and then plunge a knife into the box of chicken strips.
Like, my entire kitchen exploded.