Nancy Grace: Better Than A Baby Murderer

August 25, 2008

As some of you may know I recently signed a contract with Cracked that ensures additional episodes of Hate By Numbers for the next few months. But that agreement was only reached after some fairly intense negotiations. And while Cracked has bound me to a draconian contract more suitable to some sort of Dickensington indentured servitude than a blogging career, I was able to score some points. Here are the three contractual riders that I negotiated:

No matter how little Gladstone is paid, Cracked agrees it will always pay Michael Swaim less.
Cracked will demand that Dan O'Brien devote part of his columns to building up Gladstone's facebook friends.
While Cracked will never confirm or deny that Ross Wolinsky is the Zodiac Killer, it agrees to never disclose to him where Gladstone lives.

So anyway, since this series began I wanted to do one on Nancy Grace. She had been my white whale, and every week I started my search for clips with her. This week I finally found something suitable. Nancy in all her sanctimonious glory. Of course, the problem with using Grace footage is my only comedic response is usually -- "man, you suck." -- which can be pretty funny if delivered with clown nose and rainbow wig, but just doesn't cut it for HBN. At least former Cracked blogger Ian Cooper

--who does all the HBN photoshops-- came through again this week.

Gladstone wants to be your special friend. Check out some more of his stuff HERE. And while you may already be his Facebook friend, have you joined the club that all the kids are talking about?