"So what did you want to do tonight? Because I was thinking-" "DEATH TO ALL HUMANS."
"-Avatar... It's fine, though, we can stay in and... destroy the humans." Roxxxy's speech recognition and advanced AI is what separates her from other fuckable household appliances. When you speak to her, your speech is converted to text, which her internal computers analyze using her unique pattern-recognition software. She then comes up with an appropriate response from her database of hundreds of prerecorded responses, and her answer is played through a loudspeaker hidden under her wig. You can actually carry on full conversations with Roxxxy in what her creator believes is a near-perfect simulation of emotional companionship. This is by far the most interesting development in the field of machines you can put your wiener in. I'd always imagined that the popularity of Real Dolls and other competing titles in the doll-pork market was due to lonely guys who enjoyed the act of having sex with a woman but either didn't have time for or couldn't navigate around the tricky aspects like "emotional connection" and "human interaction." As someone whose study of sex dolls was purely academic, I assumed that the inhumanness of these sex dolls was part of the hook: There's no shame for a poor performance, there's no guilt for infidelity and there's no struggle with commitment or communication, because she is a silicone-covered robot that you legally own. But Roxxxy means we've entered a new world that I don't quite understand; one where the goal is to make these things as close to human as possible. If Roxxxy outsells Real Dolls, it means consumers prefer lifelike dolls, which means a doll even more lifelike than Roxxxy will be even more successful, until we get sex robots that seem to have total autonomy. Sex robots that form ideas and have opinions and, if my primitive understanding of women is to be believed, judge you relentlessly. Roxxxy's AI even comes with different personalities, where "Wild" is on one end of the spectrum and "Frigid" is on the other. Frigid, as in, cold, as in a sex robot that doesn't want you to have sex with it. This means the market isn't made up of just horny guys. It's guys who want to have sex with a robot but also understand that their clumsy pawing and arrhythmic hump techniques repulse their robot into celibacy. That is a market I hope to never meet under any circumstances whatsoever. Also, attention guys who are spending a bunch of money on a sex robot that you still have to entertain and convince to have sex with you: that's just real life. You haven't found a loophole, and you're not making anything easier on yourself. That is exactly what the rest of us do. But Can I Have Sex With It?
You can, brother, and how. Sure, there are motors constantly running inside her body, but if you can get over the persistent sound of blender-esque whirring (which you can't, by any means), you are in for quite a wild ride. And if you're looking for a crazy night that lasts no more than three hours (because of the battery), well then lock your doors and prop Roxxxy up against something, buddy, because this just got real. And if you want more than three hours of passion, you can always plug her into a standard wall socket while you're plowing away, but holy shit please don't do that. And if you feel that today's women are lacking the unsettling "uncanny valley" effect that plagues modern computer generated humans, then Roxxxy is the girl-bot for you, because there is nothing but darkness and horror in her eyes. She also, according to TrueCompanion, "talks in her sleep and snores," because if you're designing an ideal woman, why not include some of the most objectively irritating qualities you can find?
Daniel O'Brien is a professor of Pervert Robotics at MIT.
Recommended For Your Pleasure
The main benefit of watching TV is seeing the plight of sad bastards who aren't you.
- By Ian Fortey
- March 10, 2019
The 'wellness' market is thriving right now.
- By Lydia Bugg
- March 08, 2019
Most people have a pretty basic idea of what it's like to be a parent.
- By Seanbaby
- March 15, 2019
There's no shortage of downright absurd conspiracy theories out there.
- By Boone Ashworth
- March 14, 2019
Given everything we know, there's cause to be worried about these movies.
- By Daniel Dockery
- March 20, 2019