Lymph Nodes, Detoxing and Lancing the Boil of Institutionalized Racism: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
The Worst Of "As Seen On TV" The Product: Sole Detox Pads The Ad Copy: "Sole Detox Pads absorb toxins including heavy metals, cleanse the lymph system (the only thing that heals the body) and makes the painful areas of your body feel life's energy and become more comfortable... by absorbing toxins through the soles of the feet while you sleep." Price: $59.95 plus $6.95 shipping & handling (for a box of 30 pads) Target Demographic: Morons who don't feel good Why It Sucks: So let me get this straight - you put these pads on your feet, go to sleep, the pads get dirty, and the dirty stuff is toxins, right? Well why, might I ask, do the toxins come out of your feet? And why only at night? When my socks get dirty throughout the course of the day, is it from the toxins seeping out of my soles, and if so, shouldn't I be wearing some Detox Pads to prevent it? If I'm really ambitious about detoxing (and lord knows I am), shouldn't I be wearing them all over my body 24 hours a day? I want to believe in this system, but I'm pretty sure I have too many toxins in my body for it to work for me in its present state. Which is too bad, really. I feel terrible pretty much all the time. Stupid Factor (1 to 10): 9