... so we still write about her here. Two bits of Lohan news (and the good two bits you might be hoping for) hit the newswire today. First, she wants to go back to making albums (since no one wants to make movies with her anymore). Second, her parents have finally settled their divorce. CRACKED has obtained this exclusive sneak-peek of what Lohan's as-yet-unrecorded-and-unreleased album's track listing looks like: 1. I Am The Cause of My Parents' Divorce 2. I Am More Than Two Large Breasts; I Also Have a Very Loose Vagina 3. Cocaine (Eric Clapton cover) 4. If You Think This Song Sucks, Imagine Me Singing It While Wearing a Bikini 5. Did I Mention I Have a Lot of Casual Sex? 6. Rock Me Like The Coked-Out Whore I Am 7. I Can't Get No Satisfaction (Without Illicit Substances) 8. My Mommy Loves Me, But My Daddy Loved Me A Lot More Often, If You Know What I Mean, Wink Wink 9. If You Are A Celebrity and Have a Penis, I Would Like to Engage in Sexual Intercourse With You 10. Stairway to Heaven (Lohantastic Remix)
Sometimes it's just a matter of making the US Department of Defense look, like, REALLY cool.
Actual impending doom like global climate change or mass extinction just makes people bored.
In some cases, the Marvel source material just did better.