Killer Dogs, North Korea and MC Hammer: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

By:
Awesome Video Of The Day Terrifying Police Dogs I'm not totally sure where this video is from, so I'm going to be sure not to commit any crimes ANYWHERE for the rest of my life. It seems like it was probably shot somewhere in Eastern Europe in France, but I'm not risking it - the mere idea that these dogs exist somewhere on this Earth is enough to keep me on the straight and narrow. Did you hear that guy screaming?! Did you see the dog running straight at the guy shooting at it? I can't think of a single crime that would be worth attempting to pull off if I knew that I might have to deal with one of those things. The only way these dogs could be any more terrifying would be if scientists were able to modify their genes to make them poisonous, and I'm pretty sure that's just around the corner, too. My prediction: global crime rates will fall dramatically over the next few years. Y'know... because of all the poisonous dogs.
(Yet Another) Wildcard Week!!! The Internet Is Getting Weird, Crowded A few days ago, North Korea announced that they're starting a website to promote foreign investment in their country. I guess it's KINDA funny for a country with with no internet access to put up a website, but ordinarily I wouldn't mention a story like this - oppressive regimes seeking foreign capital can be great comedic fodder, but I'm not nearly smart enough to make a joke about it. But THEN I read that
MC Hammer is launching a website too, and I was like, "Oh schnap! This is gonna be like shooting fish in a barrel!" It's called DanceJam.com, and he hopes to turn it into the YouTube of dance videos. The only problem? There already is a YouTube of dance videos. It's called YOUTUBE. I don't know much about internet technology and servers and wires and whatnot, but it seems to me that if things keep going at this rate (TWO new websites in ONE week?!) then the internet is going to run out of space pretty soon. That's why I think that North Korea and MC Hammer should go halfsies on a domain together. Why can't there be ONE website that attracts foreign investment to North Korea AND shows videos of kids doing all the coolest new dance moves? It'd be cheaper, it would attract twice as many people as either of those two websites would on their own
1, and it would promote international cooperation better than the UN could ever hope to. The kids could do their little dance moves to music with lyrics about North Korea's manufacturing capabilities or something. I think it could be a hit. And while we're at it, I think Google and Netflix should join up so when I search Google for Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome it starts playing immediately in my browser. And Craigslist's casual encounters section should merge with Peapod so I can shop for groceries and seek anonymous sex partners at the same time. Oh - and the anonymous sex partner should get delivered to my house with the groceries. See? I've got all kinds of great ideas for websites. Maybe I should be a "consultant." 1 Because the number of people interested in dance videos is exactly identical to the number of people interested in investing in North Korea. Fact.

Sign up for the Cracked Newsletter

Get the best of Cracked sent directly to your inbox!

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Forgot Password?