‘There is something refreshingly ironic about people lying on the beach contracting skin cancer in an attempt to acquire a purely illusory appearance of good health, while germ-laden medical waste washes up on the sand all around them’
Although he's better known now for his role in various minor assaults, Kiefer Sutherland has actually had a pretty varied career. A breakout star in the 1980s, he starred in a wide selection of popular films of the era, including Stand By Me, The Lost Boys and Young Guns. He then disappeared for most of the 90s before resurfacing in 2001 to take the role of torture-enthusiast Jack Bauer on 24. Until now, no one's ever asked what he was doing during those missing years, possibly because it's a story the mainstream media doesn't have the stones to tackle.
Of course I don't have the stones either, but after borrowing one from Swaim (who has three) I felt suitably equipped to dig up the truth behind Kiefer's missing years. It turns out that during this period, with his acting career struggling, Kiefer changed gears somewhat to help pay the bills: he was speaking at corporate events. With the help of a little Asian kid who's good with computers, I managed to get a copy of one of his old presentations. I present it here for both your benefit, and for posterity's.