Jude Is Never Having to Say You're Sorry

Jude Law---who recently stunned audiences everywhere by edging out reigning champion Ewan MacGregor for the coveted title of The World's Most Precious Man---has learned a thing or two about himself in the year since the fact that he cheated on then-fiancée Sienna Miller with a portly nanny became public. Specifically, he's discovered that the best way to learn is through not learning:

There's no regret. You can't regret. I mean, I've felt regret but I've also refused to allow regret to sow a seed and live in me because I don't believe it. You feel it, it's like guilt, it's like jealousy, it's like all those horrible things and... You've just got to snip them and get them out, because they're no good. Because if you regret, in a way, have you learnt and moved on?

Some would say, my dear Jude, that perhaps you have this exactly backwards, and that it is by actually regretting that you learn and move on. Because otherwise, what you've

learned is that you're a cheating bastard, and what you've moved on to is a future of more cheating bastardness. Which is fine with me, of course, but I warn you that the nannies will get portlier and the fiancées less trusting as time goes on. However, I really do think Mr. Law may just have created the next big thing in celebrity apologies: "Now, ladies and gentlemen, kids, Mom, Dad, Mr. President---the important thing here is that the animals in question are receiving treatment, the Girl Scouts have declined to press charges because none of the witnesses could be located, Mistress Marmalade has graciously agreed to offer refunds for the dildos, and the deposit on the clown suit more than covered the damage to the hot tub---so as far as this unfortunate incident is concerned, I could feel regret, but if I did, how could I really learn and move on?"