Isabella Rossellini Pornography! (Prepare For Disappointment. Unless You Like Crazy Shit, That Is.)
Wikipedia calls Isabella Rossellini an Italian film actress, author, Lancome model, and philanthropist. I’m assuming the last reference is to her appearance in The Cooler, in which a judicious use of her cupped hand spared us all the sight of William H. Macy’s limp dick. It also tells us that she used to be married to Martin Scorsese, trains guide dogs for the blind, is an official ambassador to UNICEF, and was diagnosed with scoliosis at age 13. Man, Wikipedia is awesome. But for all of its invasive and blandly worded detailing of the lives of a choice handful of the human beings on Earth, Wikipedia neglects to mention one very important Rossellini fact: that she is batshit insane.
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael breaks his penis off in his mate's vagina as a plug for his semen as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!