Ever notice how the moment one candidate beats the other, they're suddenly best friends? What happened to two weeks ago, when you were calling each other delusional, psychotic geezers who palled around with terrorists? It's either rampant hypocrisy, or else all those attack ads were nothing but cheap political maneuvers (gasp!). In order to protect the innocence of the American public, I've taken it upon myself to make McCain's concession speech as vitriolic and hate-filled as the months leading up to it were. Do us both a favor, and watch this video over and over until it has supplanted all memories of the actual speech.

When not writing for Cracked, Michael finally reveals his bias as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!

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