For future reference, if someone at a party ever offers you meth, the ONLY proper response is to scream "NO," hit them in the face with a lamp, start running, and never ever stop.
Why? Because meth is the scariest fucking thing that’s ever been unleashed on mankind. And quite honestly, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS. All I know about it is that the state of Montana put together one of the most effective ad campaigns I’ve ever seen to convince me to fear it.
In honor of Halloween, and in order of the level of horror they impart, I proudly present the eight most Requiem for a Dream-like and a subtextual analysis of each.
Subtext: Taking meth destroys all sense of responsibility, and will dissolve all meaningful friendships you currently enjoy.
Less Obvious, Positive Subtext: Taking meth makes you an extremely cautious, alert driver.
Simple Addition that Would Make the Video Hilarious: If at the end the shot widened to reveal that the girl’s friends left her at a Shakey’s Pizza.
Subtext: If you take meth, you will sleep with faceless middle-aged men at the behest of your enterprising boyfriend.
Less Obvious, Positive Subtext: If you take meth, you’ll get laid.
Simple Addition that Would Make the Video Hilarious: If instead of consoling his girlfriend with a stroke on the arm, the young man offered her the rest of a Diet Root Beer he’d been drinking.