Q: How do I get girls to like me? - GonadPilot
I suspect your main problem (you probably have seven or eight "main" problems actually, but we'll disregard that for now) is that not only do you not understand girls, you don't understand people as well. For whatever reason (inexperience, lack of bran, abandoned as infant and raised by hobos) you still haven't picked up on how people act and behave around one another, and now, thrown into the world with people who aren't genetically required to love you, you're struggling to cope.
I guess the best trick to jumpstarting your social awareness would be to consciously put yourselves in other people's shoes. Let's say you're interested in a girl. Based on what you know about girls in general and this girl in particular, can you guess what qualities she might be attracted to? Then can you imagine how she might behave if she were speaking with someone she was attracted to?
I already know you're going to say you don't know what signals to look for. It's a common misconception amongst hopeless losers that women are akin to aliens, with bizarre and unknowable customs and practices. But they're not--they're just regular human beings. Sure they're generally a little curvier, and have less tolerance for poo jokes, but otherwise they're pretty normal. And even though you profess ignorance, if you actually think about it a bit you can probably already guess how a girl would behave when she finds someone attractive. Things like "smiling" and "laughing at jokes" and "not immediately walking away from conversations at a brisk pace."
Ugh. What are we at here? 900 words? OK. Let's gut through a couple more.
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Q: Does this look infected to you? – R. Brockway
Cracked Columnist Robert Brockway, blurred for your protection
Yes.
See? Now this here is a perfect example. The Center for Disease Control & Prevention has a wing devoted just to the things that live in Brockway's beard, yet despite that he remains irresistible to women, even to the point of having a special stick he uses to beat them away with.