It was only so long that we here at Cracked could keep ignoring the growing phenomena surrounding the Jonas Brothers. Even though our audience is primarily composed of 18-35 year old carpet installers, the Jonas Brothers have become so omnipresent over the past year or so that even our readership has become dimly aware of them. The problem is, most interviews with the brothers thus far have stayed within the predictable lines of teen magazine journalism, e.g, "What's your favorite color?"; "Do you like dancing?" and "Will you have sex with me?" Because Cracked readers already know who wants to have sex with them (no one) these interviews end up feeling pretty hollow. To correct that, and to try to get to know the brothers behind the Brothers, all the columnists got together and brainstormed up a hard hitting, iron-fisted, dragon punching, unbreakable combo of questions to ask the trio. What follows is a transcript of our interview.
Bucholz: Hi, is this Gail? It's Chris from Cracked.
Gail, the Jonas Brothers publicist: Hi Chris. I'm here with the boys.
Bucholz: Great. I'm here with our whole team. We've been staring at a picture of Barbara Walters for like 20 minutes straight now, and are just super psyched up in interview mode. Raring to go.
Gail: That's great. Can we get started? We've got eight more of these to get through today.
Bucholz: Yes. Absolutely. OK. I'll kick things off here. Do you guys like movies?
Nick: Yeah. They're pretty good.
Joe: Heh, OK. Sure. I like movies.
Bucholz: -scribbling madly-
Awesome, awesome stuff. Next question: Aren't parents lame?
Nick: Sometimes, sure. But you know, they're just looking out for us.
Bucholz: I agree with you 100 percent. Wow. This is going really well. OK. Dan, you had something?
DOB: This one's for Kevin. Will you have sex with me?
Gail: Don't answer that.
DOB: I'm sorry, that was impolite. Will any of you
have sex with me?
Gail: Chris, before this interview, what did I specifically request you guys not to ask about?
Bucholz: Dan, you're not even gay.
But they don't know that. I'm going undercover
here jackass, to get the real dirt.
Bucholz: I'm sorry, Gail. This was totally my fault. I'll move the phone a little further away from him.
What about just some heavy petting?
Bucholz: Did you hear that?
Gail: Yes we did.
Bucholz: And you're not going to answer it?
Gail: No we are not.
Bucholz: Because the prospect of having Dan getting nasty all over you, without having sex,
wasn't on the list of things we weren't supposed to ask.
Gail: Can we move on?
Bucholz: I tried buddy. -makes note-
OK. Let's try a different tack. What do you guys do in your spare time?
Nick: The usual stuff, you know. Play sports. Play video games. Talk to friends online.
Bucholz: That's amazing. Just like regular people. OK, Swaim, you got one?
Swaim: What's your favorite color...