Cracked Column Writing: Live!

======================================================================CRACKED LIVE MIRTH-DEALING TRANSCRIPT BEGINS 3:08am EST Oct 19th, 2010======================================================================
Uh.....Uhm...Fuck me, is it 4 already?..Just pick something and go. It doesn't matter. It's just Cracked....The 6 Awesomest Boat Winterizing Tips

Make sure to change the oil on your boat engine before you mothball it for the winter. Do this while the engine is warm, to help release any sediments or deposits in the internals. Using a pickup hose, flush the engine's coolant system with fresh water and antifreeze. Finally, be sure to wipe the engine down with a spray lubricant.
Finally, be sure to wipe down the engine with the blood of an adult salmon to gain it's strength.
- Ok. Probably time for another joke. Should also consider starting up a running gag around here.
- But what? Well, what's funny? Penises, short people, hatchet attacks, the word "bowel" , throwing hula-hoops at giraffes at the zoo, bear-on-clown violence.
- And every one of them a cliche.
- How about I slowly drop hints that we're not so much winterizing a boat, as we are cleaning evidence off it after a horrific, not-very-accidental accident?
If you expect that you will find any bone fragments in there, remember to wear gloves._____________Tip #3: Clean the hullBe sure to clean your boats' hull thoroughly before storing it for the season. If your taking it out of the water for the winter, this can be easily accomplished with a pressure washer. Storing it in the water mean's youll need some training and breathing apparatus to properly clean the hull.If your looking for a way to get all the semen off your boat...
If your looking for a way to get all the clown semen off your boat...
- Damnit. I just had a thought. Wouldn't "live" mean actually writing it before hand, and just typing it live? It would, wouldn't it.
- Shit, too late now. Shit.
- Shit.
Condensation can cause water to contaminate your fuel supply, which can cause fouling of your fuel system, and greatly inhibit any high speed getaway's that all boat owners sometimes have to make in the dead of winter. Plus, should the FBIs sex-murder investigators pick up your trail, yo'ure going to be thankful for the full tank of gas._____________Tip #5: The Crapper- Better be careful here. This is seemingly a perfect venue for poo jokes, but it's also in a way, too perfect. Don't want to be predictable.
If your'e like us here at Cracked, you likely don't use the head on your boat very often, preferring to hang whatever it is you need to hang off the windward side and letting fly.