Cracked Column Writing: Live!
The 6 Awesomest Boat Winterizing TipsLike a lot of people, everyone here at Cracked owns eight boats. - Is that believable? Maybe I should go with 6. No, my readers aren't animals. They all own 8 to 9 boats minimum. If I claim I have any less, they'll think I'm poor and not worth listening to, like all poor people. And because boat winterizing is the second most fun a person can have on a boat (right after vaginal sex), we thought w'ed share some of our favourite boat winterizing tips!Good start. But what now?8==D 8==D 8==D 8==D 8=====================================================================================================DHehehheheeeheh_____________
Make sure to change the oil on your boat engine before you mothball it for the winter. Do this while the engine is warm, to help release any sediments or deposits in the internals. Using a pickup hose, flush the engine's coolant system with fresh water and antifreeze.
Finally, be sure to wipe the engine down with a spray lubricant. Finally, be sure to wipe down the engine with the blood of an adult salmon to gain it's strength.
- Ok. Probably time for another joke. Should also consider starting up a running gag around here.
- But what? Well, what's funny? Penises, short people, hatchet attacks, the word "bowel" , throwing hula-hoops at giraffes at the zoo, bear-on-clown violence.
- And every one of them a cliche.
- How about I slowly drop hints that we're not so much winterizing a boat, as we are cleaning evidence off it after a horrific, not-very-accidental accident?If you expect that you will find any bone fragments in there, remember to wear gloves._____________
- No. How about...
If your looking for a way to get all the semen off your boat... If your looking for a way to get all the clown semen off your boat...
- That picture of a lion humping a boat would go good here... _____________
- Damnit. I just had a thought. Wouldn't "live" mean actually writing it before hand, and just typing it live? It would, wouldn't it.
- Shit, too late now. Shit.
- Shit.Condensation can cause water to contaminate your fuel supply, which can cause fouling of your fuel system, and greatly inhibit any high speed getaway's that all boat owners sometimes have to make in the dead of winter. Plus, should the FBIs sex-murder investigators pick up your trail, yo'ure going to be thankful for the full tank of gas._____________
- Better be careful here. This is seemingly a perfect venue for poo jokes, but it's also in a way, too perfect. Don't want to be predictable.If your'e like us here at Cracked, you likely don't use the head on your boat very often, preferring to hang whatever it is you need to hang off the windward side and letting fly. - Wait, is windward the side with the wind blowing at it, or away from it? What's the time? -checks watch- Shit. I honestly can't be bothered to look that up. Which, depending on what the exact definition of windward is, may have necessitated more hull cleaning for you back in Tip #3.
Nevertheless, some of your other boat guests may have used the facilities, like that drifter you met on that autumn evening down at the boat bar, who convinced you that putting on clown costumes would make what happened next "more fun." Yeah, you remember him using the toilet, even if youv'e blanked out all the rest. Or tried to. DAMNIT, WHY CANT YOU JUST FORGET? Anyways, youd be well advised to clean out your head at an approved facility, and to avoid eye contact with anyone present there who might be judging you._____________