CNN Ushers In Era Of Incisive Reportage With New Holograms
If you watched CNN's coverage of the election last Tuesday, you probably noticed something remarkable and unprecedented. No, not the election of an African American to the Presidency. No, not Anderson Cooper somehow becoming more handsome with each passing month. I'm talking about holograms. Well, fake imitations of holograms. The debut of CNN's holograms is the latest development in an ongoing effort to make the news as much like a sci-fi action blockbuster as possible. First you had electric guitar riffs playing in and out of segments about devastating food shortages in Darfur, then you had swooping, 3-D text informing us that oil prices are up half a nickel per barrel worldwide, and now, fake, glowing iterations of Jessica Yellin provide us with insightful reportage on how CNN made a fake glowing iteration of Jessica Yellin appear on your TV.
And in case you didn’t catch the hint that CNN was just frivolously flexing their massive special effects nuts, they put Will.i.am in there later, as if to say “look, we made a hologram for no reason. None whatsoever. Let’s interview Boy George as a hologram. Why not? Fuck it. We’re CNN.” It was at that point Will.i.am pulled a blaster pistol under the table and Wolf was forced to shoot him. I’m telling you, these holograms were pretty raw.
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When not writing for Cracked, Michael shimmers and rotates as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!