This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
If you're bored with your job, or find that it just isn't paying you enough to settle your debts with those knife-wielding miscreants down at the pinball barcade, then don't start selling off your organs just yet. These training bundles can teach you all the skills you need to start a new, highly lucrative career. Plus, you can get them all for less than 20 bucks each.
It's no easy task getting work in the professional sector right now. If you're feeling discouraged about the lack of responses to all the resumes and applications you're sending out, then take a gander at this course. You'll learn how to build the strongest possible resume you can without having to lie about being in NASA or something. You'll also learn how to create a strong LinkedIn profile (a nut that few have been able to crack) and receive valuable advice on how to nail every job interview. That includes the importance of not wearing a tie that sings or lights up. Normally this bundle sells for $199.99, but right now you can get it at 95 percent off for just $9.99.
If your business has any kind of online presence, you need to know how to advertise on Facebook. Facebook is the Cerberus by which all content of the internet must pass, and if you aren't paying attention, then you're going to get a flaming pile of demon turd dumped right on your referral numbers. This course will teach you how to craft the most successful ads and posts with the highest possible fan engagement to propel your business into the stratosphere, or at least land you a lucrative job as a marketing consultant. Normally the bundle sells for $199.99, but today you can jump on a 95 percent discount and get lifetime access to all 11 hours of instruction for just $9.99.
You've seen plenty of YouTube channels featuring vacant-eyed 20-year-olds raking in millions of views per video, and with every one, you've probably thought, "I could make way better content than that." Well, this course will give you the tools to put your money where your mouth is, and then also put that money into your bank account (where your mouth should never be). It will teach you everything about the video creation process, from pre-production to shooting to editing to post-production, and finally to uploading that video to your YouTube channel so you can start earning some ad revenue. Normally this training course retails for $199.99, but today you can get lifetime access at 92 percent off for just $14.99.
If you're trying to sell your product online but it's constantly buried on the tenth page of Google search results, then you need to get familiar with the Ultimate Guide to Google AdWords 2018. This course will teach you how to create an AdWords account and use it to optimize your appearance in search results, including how to track search form submissions and sales, and what keywords you should use (pro tip: "nude" and "cat" are great ones, though not when used together). Normally this training course sells for $199.99, but right now you can get lifetime access to all 12 hours at 93 percent off for just $12.99.
You may consider yourself a great writer of erotic poetry and Star Wars fanfiction, but then find yourself struggling with more professional genres, such as cover letters and Lord Of The Rings fanfiction. Writing With Impact: Writing That Persuades will teach you how to craft top-shelf nonfiction writing, including resumes, blogs, business proposals, ad copy, and book proposals for your LOTR / Star Wars crossover series. Normally this course sells for $199.99, but today you can jump on a 95 percent discount and get lifetime access for just $9.99.
If you're looking to make some serious moolah by building apps for Android, then you will greatly benefit from the Complete Android O Developer Course. This course provides over 35 hours of up-to-date instruction on developing programs from scratch on Android's latest operating system. It's only a matter of time before you have your lucrative DOTA 2 knockoff up and running. Normally this course sells for $199.99, but Cracked readers can take 92 percent off and get it for just $14.99.
Business school can teach you a lot of things, like "How to be an efficient manager" and "How not to get arrested for embezzlement." But there are certain things you can only learn from experience -- or at the very least, someone else's experience. 101 Crucial Lessons They Don't Teach You In Business School drops valuable wisdom that you'll need to successfully navigate the business world, including how to shake the right hands, how to rub the right elbows, and how to build a good customer base. This course usually sells for $49.99, but right now you can get lifetime access at 80 percent off for just $9.99.
Automated email lists are about as old as the internet itself, but they still remain an important part of building and maintaining an audience for your business. MailChimp 101: Learn Email Marketing will teach you how to use MailChimp to build your email marketing empire, creating engaging automated messages that your customers actually want to read and not just jettison straight into the spam folder. Normally lifetime access to this course costs $49.99, but today you can get it at 80 percent off for just $9.99.
If you're looking to start making Silicon Valley amounts of money in web design, then you're going to need to know how to craft an appealing User Interface (or UI) that won't be a riddle to navigate. This training course will teach you how to use Photoshop to design all the visual elements of your website, including buttons, tabs, images, and text. That way, your site will have a professional gloss that tells users it is both safe AND a good idea to give you money. Normally, lifetime access to this course would run you $49.99, but right now you can get it at 80 percent off for only $9.99.
Looking for more ways to be awesome at work stuff? Check out these 4 Crucial Skills That Will Help You Land That Corner Office.
No, YOU'RE crying.