Don't Let These Products Fall Into The Wrong (Robot) Hands

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This is a piece written by the people who run the Cracked Store telling you about products that are being sold there.

If you take a gander at any of the tech blogs on the internet, you might have read them spout off "Learning to code is now as important as learning to read and write." That might be true if you live on whatever planet Westworld takes place on (Westworldia?), but until sentient robots start hunting us for sport, we're going to go ahead and prioritize reading and writing over code.

That said, learning to code is still immensely helpful, even if you have no interest in starting your own mechanized army like Dr. Ford. Here's why you should consider getting into programming, along with all of the tools you'd need to actually get you on your way.

Software Is Eating The World

In case you haven't realized, almost everything you come in contact with in your daily life involves code in some way. Everyone you know is instantly reachable on the supercomputer in their pockets. Any amount of money you have that isn't in wadded-up bill form is stored electronically. And pretty soon, remote-control helicopters will be delivering your toilet paper.

Don't Let These Products Fall Into The Wrong (Robot) Hands

PoopAlert will be 2018's greatest service.

Whether this makes you want to recoil in horror over what we have done as a society or name your firstborn after Jeff Bezos, you can't deny that software is everywhere. In an increasingly computer-centric world, resisting the spread of technology is like a fish refusing to learn how to swim.

When The End Times Come, You're More Likely To Be Saved

Look, resources are dwindling and the ice caps are pinching off chunks like a dog on laxatives. The ship is going down, so we ask you: When Elon Musk builds his fleet of rockets to colonize the galaxy, do you get a ticket onboard? We're willing to bet the answer currently is no. However, if you were a computer programmer, that'd be a completely different story. Humanity needs programmers to make rockets fly correctly and so that we have plenty of quality iPhone games to play when we're bored on Mars. Most importantly, there aren't too many programmers in the world right now, which means that learning to code exponentially increases your odds of scoring a seat next to Elon and not being stranded on the burning wreckage of Earth 1.

You Can Probably Work Remotely If You Want To

Computer programmers tend to get stereotyped as antisocial loners. Is this fair? Probably not. Is it a good thing? We say yes! Look, as internet comedy writers, we know a thing or two about being antisocial and alone.

Don't Let These Products Fall Into The Wrong (Robot) Hands

One of the requirements on the Cracked application is that you've spent at least a collective 48 hours sobbing into a body pillow.

But we think it's awesome. There are a ton of companies that allow their programmers to work from home, and we say steer into that comfy little skid. Spend the day in your pajamas and type code with Dorito-caked fingers as you watch Gordon Ramsey throw pots at people. We honestly couldn't think of a better work situation if we tried.

Learning Code Will Make You Irresistible To Potential Sex Partners

Okay, hear us out on this one. No, we don't have statistical data to substantiate the claim of this section header. And no, solely learning to code in and of itself won't directly lead to all-you-can-sex buffets (which are like all-you-can-eat buffets, but with booty).

However, coding will make you smarter (it's like learning another language), it will lead to you making more money (coders can make a starting salary of 60-100k), and it will expand your creative capacities (by forcing you to solve complex problems). We have it on good authority that potential sex partners are into all of those things.

Learning Is Easy (And Cheap)

Almost every high-paying, prestigious job tends to require tremendous sacrifice. To be a doctor or a lawyer, for example, requires years of schooling, expensive degrees, and visiting the Salary Wizard, who only appears to you when you've been good. And to be a politician, you have to make a blood pact with Chris Christie. Our point is that getting a cool job isn't usually easy. Learning to code, however, absolutely does not require four years of university courses, epic student loans, or stepping foot in New Jersey.

When it comes to programming, all employers care about is how well you can code. So if you want to get started, then these are the course bundles we recommend checking out first.


This collection of training courses gives you a deep overview of modern web development. In these 12 courses, you will learn the quintessential tech that powers websites and apps. Using languages like Python, PHP, and JavaScript, and development frameworks like AngularJS and Ruby on Rails, you'll gain the skills to build your own web app (or start your own tech company). Usually $1,473, you can get The Complete Learn to Code Bonus Bundle for just $65.


Ruby on Rails is one of the most popular frameworks for building dynamic web applications. Originally the brains behind Twitter, it uses the elegant Ruby programming language to build apps the right way. Gain mastery while you build real projects in this five-course collection. Get it for $41.

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Python is easily the world's most popular programming language. It lets you produce clear, human-readable code that can be used to build apps, analyze big data, and power websites. These eight courses teach programming fundamentals with advanced topics leaning toward data science. Pick up The Python Power Coder BONUS Bundle for $44.

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