An Open Letter To David Duchovny (Incl., Full Resumé)
Mr. Duchovny, It has recently come to my attention (as well as the attention of everyone else) that you are in rehab for Sex Addiction. First off, let me say congratulations; that's super great. Probably the best addiction to have behind heroin. I mean, they die young and look pretty haggard, but you know those guys are happy like most of the time. I imagine it's much the same with a sex addiction, especially for someone who can get sex so readily. Is rehab just a big 24-hour orgy, or what? Because that’s all I hear from Lohan. Again, congrats. But the reason I'm writing is that, as you are probably aware, your character in Californication also suffers from a sex addiction. Quite a coincidence. I hope I’m not jumping the gun when I assume that after this whole rehab thing dies down, you’ll probably become a paranormal investigator. And when you do…please, Mr. Duchovny, let me be your Scully.
When not writing for Cracked, Michael searches for his lost sister as head writer and co-founder of the ongoing paranormal research group Those Aren't Muskets!