The truly amazing thing about the succubi sold on eBay is how positive their sellers' ratings are. The seller of the Hecate Moondrake Vampire Succubus and the Inseparable Succubus Twins has 100 percent positive feedback from 951 ratings. Glowing reviews include "This little lady has kept me very busy, she likes me just fine!!!!! smiles," "Repeat customer v v highly recommended top seller more like this ebay pls AAA+," and "Amazing!!!! Heard his hooves right after I cut the tie!!! Loves to tell jokes." That last review is from a buyer who purchased something called a "pendent of a sensual male faun."
All I can think looking through the eBay reviews for this man who exclusively sells ghosts is this: How did every single buyer get exactly what they wanted from this product? The reviews aren't even mixed, they're all like "WOW my dick is just gone from all of this succubus sex. Will buy many more ghosts from this gentleman if I ever recover from all of the ghost orgasms I just had, A++++ thanks!"
Related: 5 Things I Learned As A Ghost Hunter (TV Won't Show You)
Ghosts Just Aren't That Into Some People, Including Me!
One thing hammered home over and over again on every WordPress blog, Tumblr post, survey, and eBay listing I visited is that ghosts simply might not be that into you. This is usually framed as being entirely your fault. Either you didn't believe hard enough or you were afraid (which is a real turn-off for ghosts, apparently).
You would think spirit sex might be a good answer for lonely people who want to find a partner -- or in my case just someone to watch RuPaul's Drag Race with me and brush my hair. But in reality, it can turn out to be another plane of reality for you to be a loser in. I tried to summon a succubus using the letter method. This method instructs you to focus on what you want in a succubus, then write a letter with a list of what you're looking for. This is mine:
I did misspell the word "enemies," but I have a learning disability and figure my succubus should know that about me, so I left it in. You then add a little something from your body to the paper, whether it's blood, semen, or hair (hair is less potent). I used hair. After lighting a candle (I used a Bubbly Pomegranate from Yankee Candle to give my summoning that classic Christmas-y feel), you focus your intention and burn the letter in a bowl. Eventually, you're supposed to feel pressure on your chest, wind on your skin, soft touches, and mild-to-strong sexual arousal. I guess in my case, I would interpret that to the ghost being super horny for friendship.
Unfortunately, I felt none of these things. When my letter burned away, all I was left with was slightly less hair and the words "Give piggyback rides my ememies." I have to say that this felt pretty intentional, like somewhere a succubus was laughing at me. Then again, I did say that I wanted her to be funny, so who knows! Maybe it worked! Hahaha, just kidding. Ghosts hate me, it's fine.
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