Author's note: I'm still on vacation this week, and wrote this before I left. If all goes according to plan, I'll be somewhere in San Francisco when this goes up - probably drinking beer in the Google parking lot with a pair of binoculars and an angry girlfriend.
A while back I posted 15 reasons why Canada is better than your country
, a thoughtful and well researched article that enumerated 15 reasons why Canada is better than your country (I titled the article exceedingly well.) The comments section broke out into the usual sort of ass-grabbery we tend to get around here, with one interesting twist. Although I didn't specifically mention alcoholic drinks or even whiskey-flavored gasoline
, several of the commenters seized upon the fervent nationalism in the air and loudly claimed that Canadian beer is better than American beer.
I've heard this claim before, the basis of it seeming to be the fact that the beer most commonly associated with America, Budweiser, is so universally loathed. The fact that the beer most commonly associated with Canada, Molson Canadian, tastes exactly the fucking same as Budweiser, was evidently not relevant to the discussion. I'm totally serious. You could do a blind taste test of those two beers and the only thing you'd get out of it would be a slightly elevated interest in girls wearing denim jackets.
I don't know why people love ragging on other people's beers. You never see people this jumpy about wine coolers. But I do know how to capitalize on a trend. Here at Cracked, we take a certain pride in our ability to mock other people for many diverse reasons, ranging from their religious views to their lame superpowers. And we want to help you, the reader. Below is a simple list of arguments you can bring up when drinking at the bar, on the beach or in the sauna, which will help you prove conclusively why the beer you're drinking makes your genitals ten times larger than the other guy (or girl.)