5

See Who Would Win In A Fight With Totally Accurate Battle Simulator

Landfall Games

From the game studio that is bringing you ClusterTruck, a game about driving 18-wheelers through your fever dreams, comes Totally Accurate Battle Simulator. It's scheduled for release next year, but the teaser trailer gives a good glimpse of what it's trying to be:

I think this is the only time I've seen the graphics and hoped they're actually as bad as they look.

The game simulation mode allows you to select two "teams" -- red and blue -- and watch them go at it by flailing around and causing a big, jumbled slaughter. Where's the fun in watching a bunch of polygons slug it out without any control over them? Well, the trick is that you can make the teams as powerful or as weak as you want. So if you want to find out if a bunch of cavemen with clubs could take out some villagers with pitchforks, now's the time to settle those bar bets.

Landfall Games
Game: Sharps.

4

Minecraft + Roller Coaster Tycoon = Planet Coaster

Frontier Developments

Minecraft has made eleventy billion dollars over the last few years, and I get the appeal. It lets you create whatever you want, as long as what you want has square edges. And the upcoming game Planet Coaster apparently saw dollar signs in a similar concept to that, but set in a theme park. I know what you're gonna say: "Roller Coaster Tycoon and others have done this since the days of floppy disks, right?" Well, while Roller Coaster Tycoon made you a coaster king, Planet Coaster turns you into a COASTER GOD.

You see, in this, you get to build EVERYTHING. For example, the game's not even out, and someone has already recreated the DC section of Six Flags pretty much block by block.

Frontier Developments

Frontier Developments
Though there's a noticeable lack of vomit covering the grounds.

3

100ft Robot Golf Is Transformers Battles Hidden Behind A Golf Game

No Goblin

100ft Robot Golf is exactly what it sounds like. You play as a handful of possible robots and have to battle for par across a citywide golf course. Other levels include an ice mountain, underwater, and the Moon. The ROBOT Moon.

If that's not enough, you also have a shitload of weapons. Oh, I should have mentioned that you can destroy the entire city and the other players as they get in the way of your birdie. It's almost as if the golfing aspect was the developer's sneaky way of giving this game some structure after the higher-ups shot down the idea of just letting robots fight each other.

No Goblin

No Goblin
"'Scuse me, I think I landed in the rough."

2

Become A Real Ghostbuster With Night Terrors

Novum Analytics

There are plenty of horror games out there, including a lot of great indie ones, but few let you turn your real house into a haunted one. Upcoming iOS game Night Terrors does just that, using augmented reality to map out your house and fill it with monsters. Kinda like Pokemon Go meets Wes Craven, except you'll probably shit your pants before ever having a chance to catch one of these things.

The way it works is pretty interesting. You turn all the lights off in your house, throw on some headphones, and hold up your cell phone in front of your face, turning you into a character in your own found footage horror movie. The game accesses the camera light as your "flashlight," and as you move through your house, the game recognizes doorways and ceilings and will deliver ghosts and goblins to your screen (amazingly made using practical effects, without CGI). There is even a bit of a story too, just in case you thought this was going to be a simple whimper-helplessly-in-the-corner-while-begging-your-friend-to-turn-the-living-room-light-back-on simulator.

Watch it turn this guy's house into something he doesn't even recognize, as a pair of eyes pop out of his wall as he's inspecting his bathroom.

Novum Analytics
"Boo! I'm a poop spook!"

1

Star Citizen: The Space Pirate Simulator

Cloud Imperium Games

Even though I don't play too many PC games, I'm hip with the kids, so I'm well aware of the disaster that was No Man's Sky. After it didn't live up to the hype at all, I can totally see why you would immediately dismiss the game in this entry as well. I'm even a bit skeptical of letting another space exploration game get the better of me, and I'm only experiencing secondhand rage from other people on the internet.

But the upcoming Star Citizen boasts a star-studded cast and a huge budget for an indie. It crowdfunded tens of millions of dollars over the last couple of years (some from regular gamers who have spent thousands of dollars on ships that don't exist yet), and is now in its Alpha stage.

Cloud Imperium Games
What, is literal deep space travel teleporting you through your computer screen gonna be added in a patch?

The game itself looks extremely detailed. The basic structure involves building spaceships that let you trade across the universe, but you actually have to physically fly to a planet and down to its surface to do your dealings. From what it looks like in the developer footage, everything is actually there. Meaning basically anything you see in the distance you can go to. A friend can even drop you off and fly away while you do something different.

Cloud Imperium Games
"Have fun at Aaron's! Be home by 10!"
"*sigh* Thanks, Mom"

It even features Mark Hamill and Gary Oldman's likenesses in-game, which just makes me hope I can finally play out my long-awaited Star Wars / Batman RPG in-universe.

Cloud Imperium Games
"That's no moon -- it's a Space Commissioner."

Sorry, it's just in Alpha. On the plus side, it might give us more time to crowdfund more likenesses. How much would a Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan cost? I swear, it's for the good of the game.

Chris has a party game called Cheer Up! that's not in Alpha and is on Kickstarter right now, and you should check it out. Download the game for free, or find it on Facebook.

Blur the line between fantasy and reality even further in 5 Video Games That Took "Realism" Way Too Far, and see why nostalgia isn't always what it's cracked up to be in 7 Ways Video Games Sucked (That Kids Know Nothing About).

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