5 Things That Are Much Sadder Than They Ought To Be
The world is a sharp and dangerous place filled with no shortage of truly awful things to tear our guts out and make us cry forever. We know what they are: War, illness, puppy rape and Brett Ratner movies. But there are also all sorts of tiny, less obvious things that -- for no good reason -- can fill us with a sadness so pervasive we're forced to look away. Or at least there are for me. Not enough to make me cry. Just a vaguely disconcerting emptiness that emerges more and more unless I fill it up with happiness or alcohol. Here are five of my big triggers to melancholy. Do you have different ones? Express them in an interpretive dance, upload to YouTube and send me the link!People Trying To Be Funny In Magazine Photos
Don't worry. We all feel a deep sense of shame about this.
Wait. She's dressed like the Queen, but she's not the Queen ... oh, I get it!
OMG, pocket watermelon and giant foam hands? Now, I've seen everything!
Old People in Fast Food Restaurants
"Can you believe we used to eat that crap before we made all that money in white slavery? Bwahahahahaha!"
"Why do you hate me, God?"
The Less Intelligent Members of the Gay Community
"I just solved Fermat's last theorem while waxing. Isn't that hilarious?"
Guys Who Think Female Bartenders Actually Like Them
Seamus McMurphy: hails from Limerick, knows how to make 50 plus drinks and hasn't worked in five years.
"See anything you like? I could be talking about booze or sex! LULZ!!!"
Passive Aggressive Social Media Statuses
"Oh, hey. How did that status get there? Silly Facebook-whiny-emo-virus!"
For more from Gladstone, check out 5 Sleazy Strategies for Turning Any Movie Date into Sex and 8 Ways Suburban Apathy Got Me Through Irene: A Hero's Story.