5 Things from the 70s We Want Back
Looking around today, it seems like everything bad from the 1970s is coming back: unemployment, high gas prices, an embattled democratic president, and douchebags sporting mustaches. (Hell, speaking of an unpleasant return of things from the 70s, even I'm coming back to post here weekly). But I was raised to believe that there is a ying for every yang. Or to keep with our 70s theme: a Loggins for every Messina. No? A Hall for every Oates? Sonny for Cher? In any event, if we have to deal with all the crap from the 70s, then I think it only fair we petition the universe's cosmic laws of balance for the good stuff too. And even though I was only alive for part of the 70s, I'm appointing myself your captain and tour guide as we demand justice from the Cosmos.
Are you with me, people? The time for the 1970s is now. We demand the following:5. Robert DeNiro/Al Pacino Movies That Don't Suck
Its hard to believe, but did you know that Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino used to star in movies that did not make cinema-lovers cry tears of blood while shattering their souls into a million irreparable pieces? It's true. In fact, in the 70s, these guys actually made some movies you might have heard of: The Godfather, The Godfather II, Dog Day Afternoon, Serpico, Taxi Driver, Deerhunter...Related: Al Pacino's Most Baffling 'Heat' Scene (Has A Legit Explanation)
4. Afros
Yeah, I know. You see afros today. Some on white guys. Sad, sad white guys. But when I say Afro, I don't mean some Brooklyn hipster's ironic conception of an Afro. I mean a glorious African American round head of hair that says one thing: "Fuck you, whitey." Oh, I miss those. Why? Because as a little boy, I thoroughly enjoyed seeing old white people get nervous around blacks. "Silly, white people," I thought. "Haven't you seen The Jeffersons, Good Times and Sanford & Son? Those black people are A-OK!" And seeing those bad white people made me feel like one of the good white people. So each time an afro made a middle-aged woman secure her purse in fear, I felt that much cooler. But now that's all lost because well it seems blacks and whites hate each a lot less. And where's the fun in that? Hmm. I may have lost my point in there somewhere. In any event, Afros sure are cool. More please.
Related: The 15 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (4/4/17)
3. Concept Albums That Defined Generations
Don't get me wrong, as far as inventions go, I put the IPOD right up there with the polio vaccine. I don't go anywhere without mine and frankly would iron lungs even be that bad if they could play all your MP3s on shuffle? But technology has come with a price. The digitalization, compression, and online availability of music have forever altered our listening experience. And with that change came the death of concept albums - self-contained recordings telling a particular story or servicing a singular theme. Concept albums were records you would never think of cutting up into singles. And if some kid at school said, "Well, um, I don't know all of The Wall, but like I like that 'we don't need not education song,'" you'd scoff at him like he was a noob, except being the seventies you wouldn't call him a noob. Dickweed? Ungroovy? I'm not sure. I was so very small.But now, music is spread on youtube and linked on facebook in bits and pieces. The notion of sitting down with an album cover and lyrics for an hour is almost as unlikely as expecting moreRelated: In Defense Of Bob Dylan's Bonkers Christmas Album
2. Life Without Shia LaBeouf
Cinematic sociologists refer to it as the "Pre-Shia Period," but I call the years preceding Shia LaBeouf's birth as the "Golden Age of Movies." There was a time when you could go to the theater, confident that the nasal, inexplicably irritating actor known as Shia LaBeouf would not be there. No pale, doofy suburbanite would be making an appearance for the sole purpose of destroying the sequel to your favorite movie. Indeed, even in 1990, you could enjoy Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, blissfully unaware that somewhere in Connecticut there was a small boy slowly plotting to ruin everything you held sacred.