5 Simple Steps for Planning Romance (At a Convenience Store)
Did you know that men suck and make mistakes? Of course you do. You've seen television sitcoms. But it's true. Sometimes even the most wonderful men in the world forget important dates. And not "important" like Spider-Man's first appearance in August of 1962, but "important" like wedding anniversaries.
No, their own wedding anniversary, not Spidey's.
A couple of months ago, I forgot mine. Even worse, I'd worked late that night and didn't realize I'd forgotten it until about 9:30 p.m. Yes, most stores were closed, but all was not lost. As I drove home from the train station, there -- like a safe haven or lost beer found at the bottom of the crisper drawer -- was my neighborhood 7-Eleven. This is how it saved my life.
Flowers to the Rescue!
The first step in managing any calamity is damage control. Now, while the layman's first thought of 7-Eleven might be the Big Gulp, I knew it also as a florist. And unlike conventional florists filled with fussy and pricey bouquets, 7-Eleven had them ready to go. Flowers are flowers. No reason I couldn't lie and say they were expensive.
May as well save money; they're going to die anyway.
Flowers in hand, I continued on my journey to set my screw-up right and create a romantic mood.
Perhaps a Fine Wine?
You can't have a romantic evening without a nice bottle of wine, right? Now, it's true that many liquor stores stay open late, but I was already in a rush, and 7-Eleven understands that, which is why they offer a selection of wines in as many colors as the flower display.
I'll take the red one!
I had only been in the store for literally 30 seconds and managed to secure both flowers and wine. My cramping tennis ball heart began to relax. I could still see the disappointment in my wife's eyes, but it was getting harder and harder to imagine her sinking a kitchen knife into my spleen while I slept. Still, I wanted a little insurance. That wine might be too delicate to safeguard my existence, so I also picked up some insurance.
PRO TIP: Studies show that women are 40 percent less likely to murder their husbands when they are offered a variety of beverages.
Things were definitely looking up. But what now? I needed more. Flowers ... alcohol ... CANDY!
Chocolates for the Lady?
I asked the on-staff chocolatier to direct me to the proper section for fine desserts, but was informed that, although 7-Eleven had performed so admirably in the areas of floral design and alcoholic libations, the store did not sell hand-crafted truffles. But then again, my wife is no fancy-pants, so I explored the options before me. I browsed the breathtaking display of good ol' fashioned American candy. It seemed I had a lot to learn:
For example, there are more than two kinds of M&Ms?
I went with some peanut M&Ms while trying to think of something sweet to say to distract from my common candy offering. Maybe something like "sweets for the sweet" or "I got you this kind of M&M because I know you love nuts." I wasn't sure. I'd have to work on it.
The Anniversary Meal
OK, candy is fine, but what about our anniversary dinner? Well, as luck would have it, 7-Eleven carried my wife's favorite meal: whatever is cooking on those heaty-roller things.
Nothing says "happy anniversary" like tube-shaped meat products.
OK, actually my wife likes sushi best, but I was pretty sure she'd be less forgiving on an empty stomach, so I pointed at a bunch of stuff and the guy packed up one of everything. I should also point out that there were other food options, like raw materials in the grocery section that would allow me to construct a more traditional meal, but that takes planning, or at least a man capable of planning, and, as someone scrambling in a convenience store for an anniversary offering at 9:30 p.m., I clearly wasn't that man.
Baring Your Soul With Convenience Store Pictures
As helpful as 7-Eleven was being, I knew it couldn't do all the work. If I was going save this night, it couldn't be with something I bought in a store. I'd have to bare my soul. Express my love. Now, even though I've always turned to my ability for turning a phrase, I knew words and a jelly doughnut weren't going to get me out of this jam.
In any event, I decided I would pour my heart out to my wife in the form of a poem delivered in a PowerPoint presentation with the help of photos from 7-Eleven:
Baby, through all these years of marriage, we've always had ...
... a ball.
And I guess it's fair to say you have a ...
... lock on my heart through it all.
You're classier and more beautiful than ...
... any starlet in a magazine.
And you're sweeter than ...
... Nutella, next to a can of sardines.
If you let me off the hook this time, my heart will be as full as ...
... a cream-filled doughnut at our local 7-Eleven.
Happy anniversary, to my wife, Kevin!
(My wife's name isn't Kevin, but rhyming is important when you're being romantic.)
Well, I'm proud to say that it all worked like a charm. My wife was blown away by my creativity (it's amazing how many times she's fallen for the "creativity" move) and our local 7-Eleven's dedication to facilitating love.
By the way, did you know that your local mini-mart does more than serve orange-powdered cheesy snacks? Check out 6 Ways Convenience Stores Have Changed the World. And be sure to check out our Food for Thought hub, where you can learn about The 5 Weirdest Things That Influence How Your Food Tastes, 5 Absurdly Expensive Pieces of Junk Food, or 5 Gourmet Foods That Used to be Cheap.