In terms of how common it is, hard numbers are difficult to come by, but it's a common enough question that Women's Health set up a helpful page about running afoul of a turd, and how to handle it. Elite Daily even compiled an anthology of ass-related mayhem to let you know you're not alone.
There's also helpful advice out there that often amounts to making sure you hose down the shed before entry, try not to do it after Taco Tuesday, and keep in mind the dimensions of the mail slot before trying to force a package in there. What's happening is the guy's penis is, well, kind of scooping that stuff out. If you go deep enough, there's a chance it will happen, because you're having sex with a human and not a robot or anime girl. And if you didn't know that the ass is where a lot of people store that sort of material, I'm glad I could help out.
Sex Injuries Are Anything But Rare
When I was in high school, there was an infamous story in my group of friends about an acquaintance of ours who, in the midst of sex with his girlfriend, tore his foreskin asunder like a bodybuilder tearing a phone book in half. And we treated this like a story of someone encountering the Loch Ness monster at a Denny's -- one in a million dicks. But it turns out sexual injuries are way more common than most of us realize, with one in five people bonking their heads while boinking, 5 percent of people injuring themselves so badly that they had to take time off work, and 2 percent of people breaking actual goddamned bones.
The most common sex injuries seem to be typical stuff, like pulled muscles with back injuries and carpet burns. A third of people admitted to some kind of injury, and 4 in 10 copped to damaging their own property (averaging a couple hundred dollars in damage, so keep that in mind next time you try to have sex near your fine China). And then we get into sex toys, which send a couple thousand people to the emergency room every year -- or at least, that's how many admit it (yes, the 50 Shades franchised doubled the occurrence of those tragedies). Oh, and it's estimated that about 11,000 Americans a year die during sex. So maybe you should revise your conception of a worst-case sexual scenario accordingly.
Ian Fortey has settled his score with Saran Wrap, and is free to peruse Twitter as the victor.
Please don't ask what Fortey was doing with Saran Wrap.
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For more check out Calm Down, Your Fetish Isn't All That Weird and 5 Bizarre Ways the Brain Links Sex With Shame.
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