Who amongst us hasn't fucked a coconut? That's not rhetorical, I want your answers in the comments section. While we wait for everyone to finish, I can tell you about what Maxim dubbed "coco-nutting," and if Maxim says it's so, you can bet your store-brand Axe body spray knockoff it's so. To put it simply, coco-nutting is the act of log-jamming a large, hairy-shelled nut. And it's the "insane new sex trend you need to know about."
BuzzFeed actually scooped Maxim by a day on coconut porking, when they shared how it was "a whole thing." Sex with coconuts was a whole thing. Not half a thing, like shoving almonds up your ass, but a whole one. Many other online publications were quick to agree. There were sexy coconuts out there, and people were fucking the water right out of them.
Now, here's the thing about sexy coconut fun: Every one of those stories comes from Reddit. And not a subreddit for coconut fuckers talking about their coconut mistresses. It's from a thread on the "Today I Fucked Up" board, in which a guy told his story about banging a coconut, and man does it read like 110 percent grade-A bullshit. I'm not saying that no one's ever fucked a coconut. I just doubt that anyone routinely banged the same coconut for a week as it gathered musty old spume and maggots, as the story suggests.
From this tale of one guy having a weeklong affair with a rotten nut (and the replies, which included gems like "I accidentally bought a pineapple and made the Devil's sorbet with it") comes the idea that more people are banging palm trees than watching the Super Bowl. Journalism!
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