Always at the cutting-edge of trends that aren't trends, The Sun seems to be the progenitor of this tale, letting us all know that not only is there a veritable wildfire of withheld urine, but it's also dangerous! Other legit news sources like Business Insider and Global News in Canada picked it up to first inform people of what it is, and then let them know that everyone is doing it but no one should do it. There's as much edge-of-your-toilet-seat drama here as on Game Of Thrones.
But if you backtrack a little, The Sun sourced their story from a thread on Reddit, which we know to be the sexual touchstone of humanity. In that thread, a man posted that his girlfriend told him she experiences orgasms if she holds her pee too long and then finally gets to go. Six people replied that they too had experienced this, and a couple more said it felt pleasurable but not orgasmic and SWEET MARY MOTHER OF BISCUITS, THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING! THE PEEGASM IS UPON US!
Related: A Letter To Parents About The Fake 'Teen Crazes' On The News
Who amongst us hasn't fucked a coconut? That's not rhetorical, I want your answers in the comments section. While we wait for everyone to finish, I can tell you about what Maxim dubbed "coco-nutting," and if Maxim says it's so, you can bet your store-brand Axe body spray knockoff it's so. To put it simply, coco-nutting is the act of log-jamming a large, hairy-shelled nut. And it's the "insane new sex trend you need to know about."
BuzzFeed actually scooped Maxim by a day on coconut porking, when they shared how it was "a whole thing." Sex with coconuts was a whole thing. Not half a thing, like shoving almonds up your ass, but a whole one. Many other online publications were quick to agree. There were sexy coconuts out there, and people were fucking the water right out of them.
Now, here's the thing about sexy coconut fun: Every one of those stories comes from Reddit. And not a subreddit for coconut fuckers talking about their coconut mistresses. It's from a thread on the "Today I Fucked Up" board, in which a guy told his story about banging a coconut, and man does it read like 110 percent grade-A bullshit. I'm not saying that no one's ever fucked a coconut. I just doubt that anyone routinely banged the same coconut for a week as it gathered musty old spume and maggots, as the story suggests.
From this tale of one guy having a weeklong affair with a rotten nut (and the replies, which included gems like "I accidentally bought a pineapple and made the Devil's sorbet with it") comes the idea that more people are banging palm trees than watching the Super Bowl. Journalism!
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