Who amongst us hasn't fucked a coconut? That's not rhetorical, I want your answers in the comments section. While we wait for everyone to finish, I can tell you about what Maxim dubbed "coco-nutting," and if Maxim says it's so, you can bet your store-brand Axe body spray knockoff it's so. To put it simply, coco-nutting is the act of log-jamming a large, hairy-shelled nut. And it's the "insane new sex trend you need to know about."
BuzzFeed actually scooped Maxim by a day on coconut porking, when they shared how it was "a whole thing." Sex with coconuts was a whole thing. Not half a thing, like shoving almonds up your ass, but a whole one. Many other online publications were quick to agree. There were sexy coconuts out there, and people were f*****g the water right out of them.
Now, here's the thing about sexy coconut fun: Every one of those stories comes from Reddit. And not a subreddit for coconut fuckers talking about their coconut mistresses. It's from a thread on the "Today I Fucked Up" board, in which a guy told his story about banging a coconut, and man does it read like 110 percent grade-A bullshit. I'm not saying that no one's ever fucked a coconut. I just doubt that anyone routinely banged the same coconut for a week as it gathered musty old spume and maggots, as the story suggests.
From this tale of one guy having a weeklong affair with a rotten nut (and the replies, which included gems like "I accidentally bought a pineapple and made the Devil's sorbet with it") comes the idea that more people are banging palm trees than watching the Super Bowl. Journalism!
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