3

HIV Sex Roulette

Let's get this out of the way because I know it's the main thing on your mind: An HIV Sex Roulette party is, apparently, when a group of people get together to squish their squashies together, but one person is secretly HIV-positive and no one is using protection. And yeah, I know the main thing on your mind now: How could anyone believe that's an actual thing?

Well, you'd be surprised. Allegedly, the appeal of HIV roulette is the danger and the belief that even if you catch HIV, it's mostly manageable these days anyway. With that kind of airtight reasoning, this trend was widely reported in all manner of places. It was an encroaching threat on the rise! Most troubling of all, it was those crazy teens doing it! Kids -- the minute you turn your back on them, they're intentionally getting autoimmune diseases.

How did the respectable journalists of The Daily Mail discover this terrible trend? Unexpectedly, the answer is Spain. The original story was reported in a Spanish paper, in which a doctor is quoted as saying he had one patient who expressed to him that having protected sex was not an option for him because he was young, wanted to have fun, and felt that even if he got HIV, he'd be able to manage it if it was caught early enough. That's objectively dumber than shaving your crotch with a ferret's jaws, but it's not a group sex roulette. However, the doctor did assure the paper that gay men in Barcelona are doing this, so there's that.

Basically, a secondhand story about homosexual orgies and the words of some dude launched the idea that young people across Europe are gambling their lives away for fun. That's some solid reporting.

Related: 4 Impending Panics From The Past (And What Came Of Them)

2

Peegasms

If you know how it feels to pee, then you know that if you hold in that pee for a little too long, finally letting the dam break feels super good. Not like "Oh god, my own pee. Harder. HARDER" good, but it's certainly satisfying. I assume that by now, you know where this is going. Suddenly, people all over are holding their pee in, then getting sexual pleasure when they let it out. This is referred to as a "Peegasm," because fuuuuuuuck creativity.

1

Coco-Nutting

Who amongst us hasn't fucked a coconut? That's not rhetorical, I want your answers in the comments section. While we wait for everyone to finish, I can tell you about what Maxim dubbed "coco-nutting," and if Maxim says it's so, you can bet your store-brand Axe body spray knockoff it's so. To put it simply, coco-nutting is the act of log-jamming a large, hairy-shelled nut. And it's the "insane new sex trend you need to know about."

BuzzFeed actually scooped Maxim by a day on coconut porking, when they shared how it was "a whole thing." Sex with coconuts was a whole thing. Not half a thing, like shoving almonds up your ass, but a whole one. Many other online publications were quick to agree. There were sexy coconuts out there, and people were fucking the water right out of them.

Now, here's the thing about sexy coconut fun: Every one of those stories comes from Reddit. And not a subreddit for coconut fuckers talking about their coconut mistresses. It's from a thread on the "Today I Fucked Up" board, in which a guy told his story about banging a coconut, and man does it read like 110 percent grade-A bullshit. I'm not saying that no one's ever fucked a coconut. I just doubt that anyone routinely banged the same coconut for a week as it gathered musty old spume and maggots, as the story suggests.

From this tale of one guy having a weeklong affair with a rotten nut (and the replies, which included gems like "I accidentally bought a pineapple and made the Devil's sorbet with it") comes the idea that more people are banging palm trees than watching the Super Bowl. Journalism!

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