If the no research I had done to prepare for my stay in Homeless Country was any indication, the homeless, as a people, are a lot more animal-like in their sexually indiscriminate nature than their human counterparts. There is no complicated courtship process, no formal lines drawn regarding who belongs to whom, and no need for wooing anyone of the opposing gender. Sex just degenerates into a primal act designed to provide pleasure and whatever it is that women are supposed to get from sex. The dating scene at Great Mount Homeless should be a total orgiastic free-for-all, like sloppy, cursing, unshaven Olympic Village.
"So what's the dating pool like here, Ernest? Is it good or what? Feels like it would be pretty good."
"I'm actually married," Ernest said. "Few kids, too. My family stays at a shelter in Venice. The wife, she can't work becau-"
"So what's the dating pool like here, Ernest? Is it good or what?"
"...You should probably talk to Carl."
Dammit. I wasn't excited to talk to Carl. His shifty eyes and sly grin gave him an air of unreliability that he wore like a cape (which he also wore).
While there was something deeply earnest about Ernest, Carl gave off a vibe of mischief, like he was holding onto a dark secret about you. Something personal that cut deep into your core, he kept it locked behind his cold dark eyes. I also I felt like I could taste poo just whenever I looked at him.
"Gimme straight-talk, Carl. If I'm going to be homeless for a while, what can I expect as far as ass-gettery goes? We talkin' 'loads' or what?"
"What? Right now?" Carl said. "In the middle of the day? Sure, I guess, how much you got?" He started unzipping his and, much more troublingly, my pants.
"Oh, no no no, there's been some terrible, Carl-shaped mistake. I just meant, like, what's the romantic scene like out here? Is everyone spoken for, or is it mostly dudes or is- Can you just focus on something that isn't my dick for a few minutes?"
"...I can promise to split my focus between your dick and this conversation. About 60:40."
"That is both agreeable and completely understandable."
"Living out here," Carl began, his focus still very junk-centric, "there's not a lot of room for relationships or casual sex or whatever. Everyone's always trying to make something in exchange for something else. No homeless chick is going to give up sex for free. Everything's got a price here."