In Tonight’s New ‘South Park,’ Donald Trump Goes Full ‘Home Alone’ to Trick Satan Into Aborting Their Butt Baby
Apparently, President Donald “Saddam Hussein” Trump isn’t ready to become a father — the five kids he already has could have told us that.
In the last episode of South Park Season 27 before tonight, “Wok Is Dead,” the fans learned why Satan remains with his abusive, on-again-off-again boyfriend Trump as Fox News celebrated how “Donald Trump is fucking Satan” — Satan is pregnant with Trump’s child in a scientific-demonic phenomenon known as a “butt baby.” That’s why Satan remains at the White House and Mar-a-Lago, despite both Trump compounds being too depraved and sinful for the Master of Hell himself. Regardless of his issues with his baby daddy, Satan is resolved to carry the child to full term and give it some semblance of stability, but, in tonight’s new episode, “Conflict of Interest,” Trump becomes jealous of how much attention and how many presents his unborn kid is receiving from the global elite, and he attempts to rid himself of the responsibility.
Don't Miss
Throughout “Conflict of Interest,” Trump hatches increasingly complicated schemes to give Satan an unwilling at-home abortion, only for every plan to backfire straight into FCC Chair Brendan Carr’s ass.
Trump’s first ploy to abort his and Satan’s butt baby is textbook Kevin McCallister: He greases up a stairwell in the White House, ties a rope at ankle height and calls for Satan to come down a level. Unfortunately for the President, Satan doesn’t oblige him, and the trap is sprung by Carr and his “weak ankles,” as Trump put it.
Then, Trump pivots and pulls a stunt from Dumb and Dumber by loading up a soup with a bunch of Plan B and attempting to poison Satan into an abortion. Sadly for Trump, Satan isn’t hungry — and, even more sadly for Carr’s bowels, the FCC chair is starving.
Finally, upon learning about the dangers that Toxoplasmosis contained in cat feces poses to pregnant women and immortal entities, Trump loads up the White House attic with hundreds of pounds of cat shit held up by a trapdoor, with a pressure plate cleverly concealed under a rug. Once again, Satan doesn’t take the bait, but, just as the last week of real life has taught us, Carr will gladly throw himself under a mountain of shit for his boss.
No, despite Trump’s best efforts, Satan isn’t some 15-year-old Mar-a-Lago masseuse, and he isn’t just going to let Trump trick him into getting an abortion. While Satan’s determination to have the child may complicate Trump’s plans, it downright infuriates Vice President J.D. Vance, who, as we learn in one of the closing scenes from “Conflict of Interest,” has been running his own scheme to get rid of the Trump-Satan butt baby, fearing that the devil spawn may break the presidential line of succession and take over as Trump’s heir to the Oval Office.
Despite his fat, baby-like appearance and slobbering speech, Vice President Vance isn’t quite as dumb as he looks, talks and acts, and he may yet play a much darker part in this story than he already has. Oh, and South Park Vance is definitely up to something, too.
