‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’ Antagonist the Phillie Phanatic Has His Own Secret Riot Juice
When the Philadelphia Phillies are a winning team, even their beloved mascot has to have booze handy when he riles up the rioters.
Unfortunately for aspiring costumed performers and all the discerning sports fans of Philadelphia, the green, round and rambunctious creature known as the Phillie Phanatic has his claw gripped tightly around the baseball mascot game, and no other green-clad upstarts can get their feet in the door at Citizens Bank Park. The iconic It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode “The World Series Defense” examined this important local issue back in 2009, but, in the years since Charlie Kelly failed to get Green Man onto the Phillies’ official entertainment roster, the Phanatic hasn’t budged on his mascot monopoly, and he’s probably still out there belly-bumping any mascot who sets foot on his turf.
That, however, may change once the Phillies brass finds out that the Phanatic has been smuggling vodka underneath his mascot uniform all summer long. Tom Burgoyne, who has played the Phanatic for 35 baseball seasons and counting, recently admitted to the Associated Press that the secret to staying fresh during the blistering heat of a day game in August is a mixture of vodka and water.
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A real Philadelphian would have gone with a combination of grain alcohol and the closest blue beverage — you know, for the anti-oxygens.
Yes, just as Charlie and the Green Man arrived at Citizens Bank Park armed with some freshly-made Riot Juice, so, too, does the Phanatic come prepared with a signature cocktail whenever he has to work on a scorching summer day. However, while Green Man typically smuggles the alcohol into the park in his stomach, the Phanatic hides it in the inside of his hat.
And, sure, the Phanatic isn’t actually drinking his watered-down vodka mixture. Instead, he uses it to get rid of the sweat smell that, otherwise, would overwhelm both himself and his audience when he hangs out at the tailgates. “A big thing in the mascot world is vodka and water,” Burgoyne told the AP. “You put it in half-and-half, maybe a third vodka, the rest water, you put it in a squeegee bottle and you can spray your head that way and sometimes that takes the smell away.”
According to Burgoyne, vodka and water is more effective at eliminating sweat smells from heavy mascot costumes than Lysol or Febreze, which he previously used for stench control. However, that might just be the opinion of a mascot who is both on the verge of heat stroke and getting a buzz from the fumes within his own snout.
Burgoyne still maintains that the boozer’s life isn’t for the Phanatic, claiming of the character, “He’s a milk guy.” At the same time, Burgoyne didn’t clarify what kind of milk the Phanatic prefers to imbibe during a baseball game, and we all know that a certain milk-based energy drink made by and for bodyguards is full of the Phanatic’s favorite “deodorizer.”
Perhaps that giant dumper in the Phanatic costume is hiding the almost-as-massive diaper he would need after downing a few bottles of Fight Milk.
