Five Hilariously Unrequited Sitcom Romances
When one character likes another on a sitcom, you can pretty much count on them eventually getting together. From Niles and Daphne on Frasier, to Jim and Pam on The Office, to Fry and Leela on Futurama, that unrequited love does, at some point, get requited.
There are, however, some funny examples of unrequited romances that actually stay that way — one main character loves another from a distance, and the audience knows it’s utterly hopeless.
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Here are five such examples of entirely one-sided sitcom romances…
Milhouse and Lisa on ‘The Simpsons’
Milhouse has always been a hopeless romantic, with an emphasis on “hopeless.” From the earliest days of The Simpsons, Milhouse (Pamela Hayden) has harbored a crush on his best friend’s little sister Lisa (Yeardley Smith), and despite both of them being huge nerds, Lisa just doesn’t feel the same way about him. As she explains in “Lisa’s Date with Density,” she views Milhouse more like a big sister.
Since The Simpsons has no canon — say it with me, “The Simpsons has no canon” — there have been some future “What if?” scenarios in which they end up together, but Simpsons fans know that Milhouse and Lisa don’t really belong together. Even Milhouse’s original voice actress told me when she retired from the role, “I don’t think that’s a match made in heaven. I think her I.Q. is remarkably higher than his.”
Charlie and the Waitress on ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’
Yes, there’s an episode in Season 12 in which Charlie (Charlie Day) and the Waitress (Mary Elizabeth Ellis) sleep together, but for the show’s first 11 seasons, Charlie’s schoolboy crush is entirely one-sided. Granted, Charlie’s romantic advances included stalking, breaking into her home and faking cancer to elicit sympathy, but that’s Charlie trying his best for someone he loves.
After the Waitress sleeps with Charlie out of sheer desperation in order to have a child, they remain together until the beginning of Season 13, when they break up and Charlie resumes stalking her like normal, which is precisely how they’re meant to be — even though the actors are husband and wife in real life.
The Janitor and Elliot on ‘Scrubs’
For several seasons on Scrubs, the Janitor (Neil Flynn) harbors a crush on Elliot (Sarah Chalke), despite the fact that he rarely calls her anything but “Blonde Doctor.” Although the Janitor usually comes off as a cruel jerk who only delights in pranking J.D. (Zach Braff), his feelings for Elliot appear real and provide a rare glimpse into his softer side. In one episode, the Janitor tricks Elliot into going on a date with him and while the convoluted plot comes off as scheming and juvenile, when his trickery is exposed, he offers up perhaps his most human moment in the whole series as he explains to Elliot: “You’re the only one around here who treats me like a real person.”
Gonzo and Miss Piggy on ‘The Muppet Show’
The one-sided romance most people think of from The Muppet Show is probably Miss Piggy’s dogged pursuit of her beloved “Kermie,” but their relationship, however fraught, goes both ways. As early as the first season of The Muppet Show, it’s made clear that Kermit (Jim Henson) loves Miss Piggy (Frank Oz) right back, which is particularly clear in the Avery Schreiber episode when the comedian fakes affection for Piggy at her request to make Kermit jealous, which it does.
However, Miss Piggy was also the object of unrequited love from Gonzo (Dave Goelz). During The Muppet Show’s first season, when Miss Piggy is emerging as a character and Gonzo is also being figured out, the lonesome Gonzo harbors a crush for his porcine co-star and even writes her love letters. Piggy, meanwhile, is disgusted by Gonzo and only has love for Kermit.
That said, Gonzo’s love for Piggy is fleeting. His head gets turned by Madeline Kahn, and he eventually finds his soulmate in Camilla the chicken, which is nice because Gonzo certainly deserves happiness.
Gunther and Rachel on ‘Friends’
Sad coffee shop attendant Gunther (James Michael Tyler) from Friends is pretty much the pinnacle of unrequited sitcom crushes. For the first eight seasons, he hopelessly fawns over Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) from afar as she goes back and forth with Ross. All the while, Rachel has no idea that she’s the center of Gunther’s lonely existence. That is, until the series finale, when Gunther finally says “I love you,” and Rachel lets him down as nicely as possible, explaining, “Gunther, I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do and when I’m in a cafe having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I’ll think of you.”
It’s a sweet and funny close to the best-ever one-sided sitcom romance.
