‘South Park’ Made Their Facebook Profile Picture Melting Kristi Noem

Kristi Noem didn’t like South Park’s portrayal of her. Not her grotesque Botox repeatedly melting off her face or the serial murders of the puppies. There’s not much she can argue with in terms of the portrayal of the deportations and ICE raids — honestly South Park barely used hyperbole there. Noem would raid Heaven if she was permitted entry and probably used the Dora the Explorer raid as future inspiration for ways she could terrorize immigrant communities. 

If I had to guess, she probably didn’t even mind being called a dog murderer, as she put that detail about herself in her 2024 memoir. My bet is she really was rankled by the suggestion that her face requires a glam squad of eight people to keep it from melting off — a portrayal she called “petty” and “lazy. 

“If they wanted to criticize my job, go ahead and do that, but clearly they can’t, they just pick something petty like that,” Noem said to CNN, referring to the jabs at her appearance. Ma’am, they absolutely did criticize your job; they implied you were kidnapping Latino men from Heaven. That’s not a compliment. “It never ends, but it’s so lazy to constantly make fun of women for how they look,” Noem added. 

Can I just say something, with being a woman as my qualifier? You absolutely can and should make fun of how fascist ghouls look, especially if they have botched filler in their face like Noem. Unrealistic beauty standards for women do exist, and they’re currently beating Noem’s ass. Maybe if she spent more time finding a better skilled plastic surgeon instead of breaking up families, her face wouldn’t look like a poorly textured pancake. 

Clearly, South Park picked up on the fact that the jokes about her appearance hit her the hardest, and decided to double down on the joke, by making her drooping, melting face the profile picture for the official South Park Facebook profile picture. Noem might not like it, but it was met with a lot of love from commenters. 

Comments from a few people who enjoyed the joke:

• “WE LOVE PETTY QUEENS.”
• “Is it wrong that I immediately knew who this was?”
• “Looks real. Can’t even tell a difference.”
• “Never looked better.”
• “Kristi Noem looks like she opened the Ark of the Covenant.”
• “I have no doubt that’s how she looks without her makeup.”
• “That is too flattering.”

By the way, your hair looks awful too, Kristi. But there’s probably no helping that; there’s no amount of extensions that will make you look any less evil. Even with your awful filler, there’s no doubt what’s on the outside isn’t nearly as horrifying as what’s on the inside. 

I hope South Park takes out a few billboards with Noem’s face on them next, and puts them up all over Washington, D.C.