14 Disturbing Overshares from Shameless Celebrities
If I ever sharted in midair in front of thousands of people, you couldn’t waterboard that information out of me. But that’s why Noah Kahan is where he is, and I’m writing lists about poop and pee.
Katy Perry Will Blow Orlando Bloom If He Does the Dishes (On Days Their Housekeeper Is Off)
Perry explains that while “we’re fortunate enough to have a housekeeper,” she’s Pavlov’d Bloom into doing dishes on the weekend: “Just do the fucking dishes. I will suck your dick! It’s that easy.”
Tom Brady on Gronk’s Stellar Hog
Brady has described Gronk’s dong as both “exactly what you would expect it to be” and “amazing,” which in tandem is quite revealing.
Ashton’s and Mila’s Selective Hygiene
Ashton Kutcher says, “I wash my armpits and my crotch daily, and nothing else ever,” and that the rules on kid hygiene are: “See the dirt on ‘em, clean ‘em. Otherwise, there’s no point.” Mila Kunis, meanwhile, insists, “I wash pits and tits and holes and soles.”
Kelly Clarkson Gave a Trashcan the Worst Night of Its Life
Clarkson had to poop in a can in the middle of an arena show: “I got some kind of wrecked up from some kind of food and … we were in an arena — I shouldn’t tell this story, but like I said, I don’t have a filter. … I had to run backstage to my quick change. … I grabbed this poor trash can, and boy, I destroyed it.”
Justine Lupe Innovated a New Way to Shit Herself
While taking a dookie break on set, she said she prematurely stood up and cinched up her dress. That’s when all hell broke loose: “A piece of poop had fallen into my dress. I put the dress on without knowing it was in there and smeared poop all over my back.”
The Rock Pisses in Bottles, But Let Him Explain
Dwayne Johnson addressed rumors that he pees in bottles: “I do pee in my water bottles but let me give context to that. It’s not a water bottle that I’ve actually purchased solely for water that you wash and clean when you’re done using it. These are just bottles that I’m no longer using.”
There’s No Easy Way to Say This: Will Smith Pukes When He Comes
Smith revealed that he developed some pretty gnarly associations with and reactions to casual sex: “I had sex with so many women, and it was so constitutionally disagreeable to the core of my being, that I developed a psychosomatic reaction to having an orgasm. It would literally make me gag and sometimes even vomit.”
Prince Harry Didn’t Have the Proper Training to Keep His Junk From Getting Frostbitten
Harry explained how he nearly froze his junk off: “These amazing veterans were doing a walk to the North Pole. They had all the training, I had none. And I turned up thinking, How bad can this be? … I’ve got all the things that I need. What I didn’t have … was a cock cushion.”
Noah Kahan and Post Malone Want to Invent a Diaper for Pop Stars
Kahan says he once pulled off an aerial shart mid-concert: “It was just one jump too many. Misjudged a fart, midair shit myself.” So he and Malone came up with a solution: “A diaper for artists that they can wear on stage so if they’re having diarrhea they can play their show and not worry about shitting all over everybody.”
Dax Shepard and His Kids Have Fart Wars
Kristin Bell reports from the frontlines: “I’m like, ‘Who’s farting?’ All three of them are like, ‘It’s me’... I wake up in the morning and I go, ‘Wow, nobody’s gas has dissipated, but it also smells like it’s burning.’”
Justin Long Found Love in a Hopeless Place
While recovering from food poisoning, he had to have his wife follow him between the bed and the bathroom with an IV. Sure enough, he woke up to the horrifying experience of actively diarrhea-ing the bed they shared: “She was not judging, not making me feel weird or bad, and I just felt so lucky, you know? I was shitting my brains out, and she was looking at me like lovingly, and I thought, ‘This is really romantic.’”
We Let Ricky Martin Get Away With Too Much Around the Turn of the Century
Martin unloaded in a 2006 interview: “I love giving the golden shower. … I’ve done it before in the shower. It’s like so sexy, you know, the temperature of your body and the shower water is very different.”
Meghan Trainor Got a Second Toilet Installed So She Could Poop With Her Husband
Trainor and her husband got a second toilet installed while she was pregnant, so everyone could pee whenever they wanted. It turns out that they wanted to pee at the same time: “My husband and I pee together, we hold hands, he sits when he pees. We’ve only pooped together twice.”
It Sounds Like Kim Kardashian Just Wants to Eat Poop
Relatively unprompted, Kim explained, “If you told me that I literally had to eat poop every single day and I would look younger, I might.”
