5 Extinct Animals That Deserved It

Look, we’re not ALL gonna make it, and they should have tried harder
5 Extinct Animals That Deserved It

Is an animal going extinct a great tragedy of the world? 

Of course it is. The knowledge that no human will ever again see a particular species in real life, and instead have to head to the internet or the Smithsonian, is humbling. Sometimes, that comes with the knowledge that were implicitly responsible, ending in shaking heads and a respectful “how could we?” Some animals, also, are so inherently cool that its a massive bummer that theyve been wiped off the map. 

But along with the heavily poached West African Black rhinoceros or the thoroughly sick thylacine, there are some animals that, well, kinda had it coming.

The Dodo


The living equivalent of the phrase “guh-huh?”

Possibly the most famous extinct animal in the world, and the touchstone for any school class explaining extinction. Id argue its not a great introduction, because if youre trying to warn children about the dangers of extinction, you shouldnt then show them a picture of what looks like the dumbest animal to ever exist. Its hard to feel especially bad about the Dutch showing up on an island populated with fat, flightless birds and immediately thinking, “Well, theres our food sorted.”

Steller s Sea Cow

Biodiversity Heritage Library

Too delicious for this earth.

Another animal that suffered from being an absolutely ideal foodstuff is the Stellers sea cow. With a name like that, you already know it wasnt an animal treated with an outpouring of reverence. Again, humans found themselves in an inhospitable environment, namely the sea, and got hungry. That was terrible news for the Stellers sea cow, which was basically a floating care package filled with 11 tons of high-calorie vittles. It feels like an animal that was specifically bred to keep sailors alive. Im surprised they even made it to human hands, instead of existing for about two weeks and then the worlds sharks just being fat for a couple years.

The Giant Pika

Tiziana Bardelli

This is a regular pika, so imagine this, but… giant.

Look, I hear your “awwwwwwwwwwwwws.” Yes, I agree that pikas are incredibly cute, and I sure would have liked to have the opportunity to see a giant one up close. Preferably close enough that I could also pat it on its little head. At the same time, I have to admit, looking at this picture, that you might as well have given it the official species name of “Bird Feast.” If youre a predator, and one of these pops up from between the rocks, its as close to a vision of a dancing drumstick as you can get. Weighing in at up to four ounces, they were literally the ecosystems natural Quarter-Pounder. If Kraft Singles occurred in nature, they would have been extinct twice as fast.

Sabre-Toothed Cats

Frank Wouters

Good riddance!

The opposite of the pika, in that it was a massive fucking asshole that no human wanted to see. They werent lacking in any evolutionary way, being terrifying killing machines and all. In fact, scientists still aren't totally sure why they went extinct. What I can tell you is that, given a time machine and the ability to deliver that news to the humans that shared a timeframe with them, there would have been a massive celebration. All they had to do was be nice, and let us ride them like He-Man, and wed probably be buying them little sweaters and/or using them to guard warehouses.


Tim Bertelink

Yo, what the fuck?

What the hell is going on here? I respect the bravery and the reckless abandon with which this particular branch of evolution pursued “tusks on the chin,” but this isnt a recipe for continued success. It feels like evolution was A/B testing elephants, and its pretty clear which of the two won. A pretty good indicator that your big swing on a new body part didnt pan out is when scientists of the future still cant totally figure out what the fuck you were going for.

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