Hank Hill’s Best Burns on ‘King of the Hill’

All the funniest moments when the best propane salesman in Arlin brought the clean-burning heat
Hank Hill’s Best Burns on ‘King of the Hill’

Hank Hill is a respectful man, but, if provoked, he’s never above roasting some jackass over a propane flame until he’s perfectly medium-rare.

For the most part, Hank is the even-keeled engine of King of the Hill, and his family and neighbors are the ones who are moved to dramatic emotion around him. In Greg Daniels and Mike Judge’s comedy formula for the show, Hank typically fills the “straight man” component of the equation. But even the straight man has an edge, on occasion. Hank prefers to let his boot do the ass-kicking when provoked, but in those rare instances when violence isn’t the answer, he’s plenty capable of providing a proverbial punt to the backside using only his words.

Over in the King of the Hill subreddit, fans recently listed their favorite insults, burns and verbal beatdowns that Hank ever delivered. Here are their favorite flames from the propane king himself, starting with…

“Can’t You See You’re Not Making Christianity Better? You’re Just Making Rock ‘n’ Roll Worse!”

In Season Eight’s “Reborn to Be Wild,” Hank summarizes the entirety of Christian rock’s awfulness with one scathing line to that long-haired, soul-patched, tatted-up “Pastor” K who tried to corrupt Bobby with some holy crap.

“No Offense, But He’s From Oklahoma”

What makes Hank’s response to Tammy Duvall (played by Renée Zellweger) so great isn’t just his categorical dismissal of the men of Oklahoma, it’s how disappointed he seems to be to even have to explain it. Sure enough, the Mack Daddy of Heimlich County had no trouble shooing away Alabaster Jones (played by Snoop Dogg).

“Bobby, You Don’t Need A Crystal Ball to See Ward’s Future. He’s Going to Live With His Mother Until She Dies — And Maybe for A Few Weeks After”

The wannabe wiccan Ward Rackley didn’t really need Hank to take him down a peg in the Season Seven episode “The Witches of East Arlen.” Ward’s embarrassing life choices and obsession with the imaginary world of magic disgraced him enough. Hank also didn’t need to go nearly as dark as he did — this line left Ward well-done.

“Did You Mean for All Those Words to Come Out Together, Or Did They Just Fall Out Randomly?”

Hank could very well have used this line on Dale Gribble any number of times throughout King of the Hill, but in “Dale to the Chief,” it felt especially fitting. The gibberish that came out of Dale’s mouth this episode was unbearable — I mean, believing the government’s story about JFK’s assassination? That’s absolute nonsense.

“Hows Your Back, Honey?” “Great, Joe Jack! Hows Your Gambling Problem?“

You can see the very moment Joe Jacks soul leaves his body when he foolishly tries to tease Hank for throwing his back out on the job in the Season Eight episode “Hanks Back.” Even wounded, Hank is top dog at Propane Strickland, and is fully capable of chasing away anyone with their tail between their legs.


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