The Grossest Things George Has Done on ‘Seinfeld’
I wonder how long Timmy and the rest of the funeral-goers would retch if they knew where George’s hands and mouth had been before he double-dipped.
Of all the urchins in New York City, few have less shame than the short, stocky and bald George Costanza. Based on the lecherous Larry David’s own disgusting stories and sensibilities, the character of George is perpetually bucking social and sanitary norms while indulging his every urge with wanton abandon — whether it’s an affair with Marisa Tomei or a barely-bitten chocolate eclair in a trash can, when George wants something, he goes after it with both grubby hands outstretched.
Over on the Seinfeld subreddit, the superfans recently discussed which one of George’s many gross moments takes the garbage cake for most disgusting. Here are their top picks…
Getting Horned Up Over A Sponge Bath Next to His Ailing Mother
As a certain prophylactic condom can attest, George’s boundaries with his own parents in relation to his sexual urges have always been pretty loosey-goosey. Considering that the entire reason poor Estelle Costanza was in the hospital was that George couldn’t contain his inappropriate appetites and accidentally scratched the itch in front of her, this scene further shows that the depths of his depravity cannot be measured by any means known to man.
The Infamous Double Dip
You know an act is reprehensible when the term invented to describe it becomes common parlance as a shaming tool. The “double dip” is just one of many contributions Seinfeld has made to our vernacular — and it is certainly George's grossest one. George’s only goals at the wake for his girlfriend Betsy’s dear, departed aunt was to score a death certificate that would help him get a discount on airfare and show his lady love his worth as a sexual partner, but a scrap at the snack table dashed both dreams. Hopefully, they scrapped the dip, too.
Eating An Eclair Out of the Trash
Whether or not the discarded pastry was “in” the garbage, “on” the garbage or “hovering like an angel,” the eclair in question had already passed that barrier between food and refuse that is clearly marked by the lid of the trash can. Sadly, George’s raccoon-rationing was only the tip of the iceberg — poor Mrs. Enright was exposed to all kinds of vagrant behavior from George in “The Gymnast,” culminating in Costanza popping his top at Lindsay’s party.
Scooping An Ice Cube Out of Jerry’s Drink to Wash His Hands
Unfortunately for Jerry, this definitely happened — and Kramer’s intern Darin caught the whole thing. This one is doubly gross considering that, because not only did George submit Jerry to essentially sucking on George’s fingers every time he takes a sip of water, but George also feels that rubbing his hands with an ice cube is an acceptable substitute for washing them with soap and water like a civilized person. Who knows how many finger ice cube baths George subjected Jerry to?
Taking An Expensive Art Book into the Bathroom
“What do you wanna hear?” Frankly, this response is often the only honest thing George can say when caught in a disgusting act, such as plucking a hundred-dollar art book off the shelves of a respectable literature distributor and taking it with him while he does his business. For crying out loud, there’s a sign right next to the bathroom saying “Bathroom, not bookroom,” and yet, George still thought it his right to take valuable unsold merchandise to the toilet.
Maybe, next time, George can consult a copy of Conjunctivitis: Etiology, Diagnosis and Clinical Management while he’s on the crapper.