12 Luminous Bits of Trivia We Found Floating Listlessly in the Depths, and Delivered to a Mysterious Golem in Exchange for Some Mystical Muck That Lends Us Temporary Resistance to the Gloom

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12 Luminous Bits of Trivia We Found Floating Listlessly in the Depths, and Delivered to a Mysterious Golem in Exchange for Some Mystical Muck That Lends Us Temporary Resistance to the Gloom

We’d like to salute the brave social media professional who called out NBA commissioner Adam Silver, in front of the league’s 47 million Facebook followers, detailing the god-awful treatment and deliberate exploitation they endured as his employee. More on that, and other high-value trivia we've stolen from the fat cats to redistribute to the masses, below.

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John Franklin, the Knight Who Survived by Eating His Boots (and Maybe People)

Eleven of his 20 men died on an expedition to chart the northern coast of Canada in 1819. He survived by eating lichen and his own boots (there were also rumors of a bit of cannibalism), and was then knighted by George IV in 1829. He later died along with his entire crew while trying to map out the Arctic Ocean (there was even more evidence of cannibalism this time around). (Source)

Pee-wee Herman’s Extremely Yikes Art Collection

Paul Reubens found himself mixed up in some pretty damning allegations when police decided his huge stash of “vintage erotica” actually contained “obscene images of minors.” He maintained that none of it was sexual to him, but you know you’re fighting an uphill PR battle when you have to clarify in an interview: “The public may think I’m weird. They may think I’m crazy. That’s all fine. As long as one of the things you’re not thinking about me is that I’m a pedophile.” (Source)

The ‘Thong Song’ Music Video Was Inspired by Bugs Bunny

Sisqo explained that this one shot was inspired by an animated chase scene: “Elmer Fudd was chasing Bugs Bunny and it was like literally running on top of people’s heads, and I was like, ‘Yo, I have to do that.’” (Source)

There Are Seven Physical Keys to the Internet

Every three months, several keyholders perform a “key ceremony”: They unlock safe deposit boxes and acquire key cards, which they use to generate a series of codes that security organizations need to protect the parts of the internet they lord over. (Source)

Your Sleep Paralysis Demon Is Running for Senate

Patricia Krentcil, better known as “Tan Mom” because she made her five-year-old use a tanning bed in 2012, is starring in a reality TV show where she attempts to quit tanning. Coincidentally, she’s also running for U.S. Senate in Florida — her campaign is being managed by the producers of the show. (Source)

An Erection-Causing Spider Has Shut Down an Austrian Supermarket

A Brazilian spider was reportedly spotted near the bananas in an Austrian supermarket, prompting the store to shut down until they can confirm the threat has been eradicated. This particular type of spider is notorious for the long, painful erections that can result from its venom. (Source)

An Ex-Employee of the NBA’s Social Media Team Went Rogue

The NBA’s Facebook account posted a long diatribe that starts out with “How do I log out of this? Haven’t worked here in weeks” and goes on to blast the department’s harsh working conditions, and NBA Commissioner Adam Silver in particular. (Source)

There Are No Bridges Across the Amazon River

The whole dang thing! All 4,300 miles of it! According to Ken Jennings, the rainy season can raise the water level by 30 feet, causing three-mile crossings to suddenly expand to 30 miles. (Source)

The Country That Doesn’t Exist

Transnistria is a part of Moldova that purports to be the last vestige of the Soviet Union. It does lots of things a sovereign nation does — demarcate borders, maintain a military, conduct the occasional census — but by many local accounts, it’s mostly just a great place to do crime or get murdered. (Source)

Victoria’s Secret Accidentally Manufactured a Pretty Effective Mosquito Repellent

Researchers testing out bug repellents found that, in large quantities, the perfume “Bombshell” did a good job of confusing mosquitos enough to just kind of ignore you. Even though the study officially designated the perfume as “Not Recommended,” it went viral on TikTok as an alternative to bug spray. (Source)

The Loneliest Man in History

Michael Collins had to stay in the car while Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin ran to the moon to pick up a carton of cigarettes. There was a 48-minute stretch when he was on the far side of the moon, and he had no ability to contact NASA back on earth. He was profoundly alone, but said it actually filled him with “awareness, anticipation, satisfaction, confidence, almost exultation” – kind of like a kid who gets five minutes to control the radio and the AC without catching flack from dad. (Source)

Grimes Failed to Pilot a Houseboat Down the Mississippi River

Back in 2009, Grimes and another weird friend attempted to live on a homemade houseboat they named “Velvet Glove Cast in Iron” and packed full of potatoes and live chickens. The motor immediately gave out, and they spent a few weeks hanging out on the boat while tied up to random trees. You’re not, like, allowed to do that, so the cops eventually towed their boat to shore, where their chickens were confiscated by animal control. (Source)

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