The Horniest, Most Groanworthy and Passive-Aggressive Attempts at Humor by TV News Reporters
There’s only so much of this world you can take, much less report on. So it’s completely understandable for newscasters to want to inject a little levity into their nightly teleprompter readings from time to time. But sometimes, such funny asides and jokes can backfire in the most cringe- and groanworthy ways possible. Which is what we’re bringing to you today — a dozen moments from (mostly local) TV news where the joke didn’t land as well as these reporters and news anchors had hoped. Instead, their attempts at humor hit the ground with a giant SPLAT!
Jeez, Mark, the Head of HR Isn’t Even Awake Yet
During a live remote segment for KTLA in Los Angeles, reporter Allie Mac Kay received a demonstration on how to milk a goat. After trying to milk the goat herself and not doing that great of a job, she uttered (sorry), “I apologize to every goat farmer out there…”
At which time, to the shock of his colleagues, morning show anchor Mark Kriski chimed in with, “And every ex-boyfriend!” As his co-host pointed out, it was only 6:35 a.m. A little too early for that kind of talk, don’t you think, Mark?
He Was So Proud of This Pun
After a segment on how NASA plans to grow vegetables on Mars, the following highly journalistic back-and-forth commenced:
Reporter 1: Love it! Agriculture that’s out-of-this-world.
Reporter 2: Gotta say it seems like a better idea than eating food grown on Uranus.
Did He Learn Nothing From Chris Rock?
During a college football game between Florida and Vanderbilt, studio analyst Benjamin Watson received a hard time over his suit when this exchange with co-host Peter Burns took place:
Watson: As long as I get the text from my wife saying I look good, I’m good, baby. So send me the text, baby!
Burns: That’s not the one she sent me!
When they cut back to the studio after some game footage, Watson and Burns were nowhere to be found, and Watson’s demeanor when he returned to the set left little to the imagination as to what the two men were talking about off-camera.
Brian Williams, Killing the Joke Before Anyone Can Even Tell It
“It appears last year’s government shutdown in Washington had at least one positive development — nine months after the fact. The folks at Sibley Hospital in Washington are reporting live births are up right now, on average, by about three per day. How long until someone on television points out that during the (COVID) shutdown, the folks in Washington were apparently doing at home what Washington has been accused of doing to the American people? We’re guessing someone will say that on television before long.”
How Did They Fall For This?
After announcing the flight-crew names of crashed Asiana Flight 214 as “Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk and Bang Ding Ow,” Bay Area KTVU Fox 2 issued an apology for the offensive and obviously fake names that apparently no one at the station had thought to read out loud before they hit the teleprompter. Not even the graphics department raised a red flag when generating a slide for the report. The station claimed that they had, in fact, confirmed the names with a representative at the NTSB, but that person turned out to be a summer intern.
What Exactly Are You Implying, Charlie?
While giving a good little doggie some much deserved scritches, this anchor tries to transition over to the weather report, where the weatherman makes things creepy by saying/stammering, “I think you two should get a hotel room or something. That’s a lotta, lotta action going on over there — probably the most action you’ve had in months."
A Kansas City sportscaster chiming in on a conversation the anchors were having about snowblowers: “Hey, you know how you turn your dishwasher into a snowblower? Hand her a shovel.”
Telling the Dalai Lama a Dalai Lama Joke
And Now, Back to Another Allie Mac Kay Not-So-Veiled Hand-Job Reference
This live remote segment with Mac Kay was about a Shake-Weight gym that had just opened. The anchor joined in on the fun with their own Shake Weights, which included making every TV-friendly masturbation joke they could think of, including old friend Mark Kriski asking if his smaller, white one made a difference. Jesus, Mark.
Cannibalism to Fingering in Less Than 15 Seconds
It’s not hard to put a finger on what goes awry here:
God bless this San Diego reporter — he really tried to make this inflation pun land. Like any amateur stand-up who just bombed hard, he tries to pivot out of it by engaging in crowd work.
Nicole and Carol Really Hate Each Other
Watching morning anchor Nicole Brewer and meteorologist Carol Erickson on CBS3 in Philadelphia try to play nice with each other’s jokes is a master class in passive-aggression.