Hey, we all like The Office, we all like Seinfeld, but sometimes there is merch that crosses the line from fun desk knick-knack, to “what are you doing with your money?” Keep your wallets closed and your purses clutched, as we dive into 15 items no Seinfeld or The Office fan really needs.

I Grilled My Foot Soap Bar

I Grilled My Foot Soap

Etsy: Thatswhatsoapsaid

Is there anything more alluring than rubbing a burnt foot all over your body in the shower? That’s what the creators of this burnt foot soap bar were thinking when they designed this spa day essential.

Seinfeld Coffee Beans

Seinfeld Coffee

BeanBox

Seinfeld Coffee Beans. “Finally!” screams the most annoying person you know at work. BeanBoxed has worked tirelessly to bring a collection of Seinfeld-themed coffee beans, breaking technological barriers along the way. For $28 dollars on BeanBoxed you get Jerry’s Diner Blend, Kramer’s Giddy Up, George’s Serenity Now, and Elaine’s Little Kicks. A coffee that after every sip will make you say “Hey guys, did you know I’m drinking Seinfeld coffee right now?”

The Office PEZ Collection

The Office PEZ Collection

Pez

The Office PEZ collection could be good if you collect PEZ dispensers. For most of the non-PEZ collecting population, these are a great choice to gobble once and then forget you own them. 

Serenity Now Talking Button

Serenity Now Button

Amazon

A button that when you press it screams “Serenity now!” A great gift option for a no-nonsense receptionist, or perhaps a friend who will giggle then put it on their shelf and never touch it again. Really great dollar store/pharmacy vibes with this one.

The Office Uno Pack

The office uno

Amazon

Why do we need to give UNO cards an Office spin? The game is Uno! Take a break from looking at Michael’s face! Do you still shout “Uno!” at the end or do you yell something like “How the turntables!”

We all know Jerry is a clean freak, so now we can finally have our apartments smell the same! The candle isn’t “Apartment” scented, sadly. The scents include smoked vanilla, amber, and serenity now. The reviews are great for these candles, but I doubt anyone is going to walk in and say “It smells like Seinfeld in here.”

Funko Pop Dundie

Funko Pop Dundie

POP!

This one seems like one degree too removed. A Funko Pop of a prop of a trophy. Why not just go…get a trophy. If you really want a Dundie, why buy something that doesn’t look like a Dundie.

Miniature Jerry’s Apartment

Miniature Jerrys Apartment Set

Seinfeldsetreplica.com

A miniature Jerry’s apartment set may seem pretty cool, but what if you found out they spent $400 dollars on it? We need to find you a new hobby, buddy, you have bills to pay.

Alright, this is pretty funny at first glance. Definitely not in the “bad idea” camp, but more so in the “funny the first time you see it, but now it’s just kind of there” camp. Just make sure you rewatch the sexual harassment episode after using this light switch cover.

Seinfeld Funko Pop Electrical Outlet Stickers

Seinfeld Outlet Covers

Etsy: Electricsticker

Display your favorite faceless Seinfeld Funko Pop collection with these stickers. They are recreations of Seinfeld characters, with the face taken out, so that all of your guests will exclaim “Who is that supposed to be?”

The Office Dog Toys

Dunder Mifflin Dog Toys

Etsy: Fluffclub

Do you know who loves The Office? Dogs! Blow your dog away with these The Office-themed chew toys, which will have your dog saying “What is The Office?”

The fun of this item is that for anyone to understand that it’s merch, they have to know Jerry’s exact address. Definitely a great item for people who want to know they own Seinfeld merch but don’t want anyone else to know.

Personalized Jim and Pam Portrait

Jim and Pam Portrait

This Is Why I'm Broke

The perfect wedding gift for the MLM girl you went to high school with, who found The Office instead of a personality. You can have your own faces imposed onto Jim and Pam at the receptionist desk. This has got to be in the top ten most basic things a couple could ever do, aside from dressing up as Jim and Pam every Halloween.

Wagon Wheel Elaine

Wagon Wheel Elaine

Etsy: DoodlesnNoodlesPR

You’ve heard of Fusilli Jerry, now strap in for “Wagon Wheel Elaine.” Squint your eyes as you search the screen for her inclusion in the pasta incarnation. Become the owner of the most obscure piece of Seinfeld merch in existence, that will prompt your friends to say “why do you have a punch of wagon wheel pasta glued together.”

Dunder Mifflin Paper

Dunder Mifflin paper

Dundermifflinpaper.com

You are truly paying for the packaging on this one. You could own your very own ream of Dunder Mifflin paper if you wish. Buy it, never open it, stare at it, play catch with it, sit on it if you’re short, the possibilities are endless!

For exclusive ComedyNerd content and more, subscribe to our spiffy newsletter:

Top Image: Dundermifflinpaper.com

Tags

Forgot Password?