So, there’s a new Firestarter remake coming out this week because it seems the world is somehow running out of Stephen King books that haven't been adapted to screen yet. I mean, Insomnia is right there, but whatever — let’s make another movie about that time little Drew Barrymore set bathtubs and also people on fire. Wonderful. In fact, let’s have more movies where kids just set things on fire with their minds. But wait, who is that playing the new Firechild’s dad?

That … that is Zac Efron. Playing a Dad. Didn’t he just graduate from that high school where you can be into sports and also Glee? 

Disney Channel

And wear a haircut like that without any shame?

Look at those teenage chops. No, Zac Efron can’t be playing dad roles yet. Hahaha, don’t make us go insane and think the dude we just saw smoking pipes and fratting it up in college with his neighbor Seth Rogan is now an expert in diaper brands and baby formula. 

Universal Pictures

Come on, that guy doesn’t know which side up a baby even goes. Time obviously stood still and none of us changed or aged since … 2016? That was when the Neighbors sequel dropped? How is it suddenly six years later and this guy is raising a pyromaniac tween? He was just being wonderfully childless in that reboot about watching some bay.

Yeah, no one in that movie should be doing any child-rearing. Anyway, and to further alarm you because we’re deep into the upside down world now and there’s just no going back, it seems Efron did actually play a biological Dad character only three years ago in 2019 … when he played freaking Ted Bundy. 

Netflix

Maybe just burn this entire article.

And now we all have to somehow be okay with Efron not only playing Magic Daddy in Firestarter, but also one of the three dads in the upcoming Disney+ reboot of Three Men and a Baby? It’s asking a lot — we’ve been through so much. Society just isn’t ready to say goodbye to the youthful romping of onscreen Efron. The actor himself even said he was a bit thrown at how big a step playing dads so suddenly turned out to be. He loves it though, and said he’s ready to play more. 

We’re sure he’ll do great. Now please excuse us as we go stare into the void at the thought of Grandpa Efron.

Zanandi is on Twitter and also on that other platform.

Thumbnail: Universal Pictures

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