Tracy Jordan is a non-stop waterfall of wisdom and keen insight. Become the new queen of Jordan after checking out these 15 timeless Tracy Jordan musings.

On Living Life To The Fullest

Tracy Jordan and Kenneth Parcel


"Here's some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it's Shark Week."

If that doesn’t make your eyes misty, I don’t know what will.

On Birthday Gifts

"I don't need a birthday, 'cause I buy myself all the presents I need. And because of my drinking, they're often a surprise."

Reminds me of the time I realized I had bought the entire Ferris Bueller outfit from the parade scene while blackout. 

On Treating Others With Respect

Tracy Jordan crew


“That’s what Danny was saying. We have to be cool to everybody. Because the future is like a Japanese game show. You have no idea what’s going on.”

On The Holidays

Tracy Jordan money suit


“The holidays without drinkin’ is rough. Turns out football is boring, my wife’s sister ain’t as cute as I thought she was and I can not play the guitar.”

Everyone will miss Tracy’s yearly rendition of "Wonderwall".

On Responsible Drinking

Tracy Jordan


“You’re going to pour glue in the lock. That’s how my kids keep me out of the liquor cabinet.”

How is he going to drunk order birthday presents now?

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