Oh Great, Some Guy Has Bird Flu Now
I’m trying to stay positive here, but scientists just absolutely refuse to give me one moment of peace. Our ozone layer looks like a basketball net and COVID is starting to spike again, and not the sniff-cough runny nose Omicron variant but the OG hospital kind. Now, I have to wake up to the news that some dude in Colorado is the first human case of bird flu infection? Come on, man.
Who got infected? Oh, just a prison inmate in a work release program. Great, so we’ll just drop him back in a concrete human-designed incubation chamber for contagious disease. This definitely isn’t the first act of a movie about a deadly chicken disease. According to the CDC, they don’t currently consider this a threat to the public, but that’s what the CDC always says and then we’re burning bodies again. Apparently the virus can only spread from bird to human and not from human to human. For now.
Look, CDC, if this isn’t a real threat, then just… don’t tell me about it. You signed up to know all about every terrifying disease that has a possibility to ruin mankind, and I realize you’ve been working overtime. I did not. I am just trying to eat a chicken sandwich. And now you’ve even ruined that. I do not want to know about the bird disease until I have it, and even then, maybe just lie to me. Tell me I have low blood sugar and that the vaccine you’re giving me is a B12 shot.
I would like to unsubscribe from the weekly disease update, at least until COVID is over, if it ever is. Please put me on a need-to-know basis from now on, so that I can resume my blissful ignorance of at least some of things that could possibly kill me. It’s tax season, milk costs like 8 dollars a sip, I don’t even drive but the prices on the gas station near my house still stress me out. All I’m asking for is a little peace as our world goes gently into that good night.
