Fact: Retro Games Had The Dirtiest Easter Eggs
When we look at the retro era, we picture a magical time when developers could just put whatever they wanted in a game – and that's mostly true. In the rare cases that they thought they were probably going too far, dirty-minded devs just
calmed the hell down sneaked the most devious stuff imaginable into their games.
For example, most people know Broken Sword as a game that players can only beat by using their brains, but there’s (at least) one puzzle that players can beat with their boobs. Yeah, there’s totally one puzzle that players can bypass by having Nico flash her boobs at an inexplicably pervy statue.
Another oldie that’s wicked in a way we wouldn't expect is the underrated video game companion to The Blair Witch Project. If we bully the poor main character by clicking on the bathtub ad nauseam, she'll go from the normal behavior of not wanting to strip down in a forest populated by creepy
witches documentary filmmaking crews,
to just going naked and even dancing for the player who'd just bullied her.
And there must really be something in the water of that place, as a different easter egg will cause the barmaid to turn into a dancing demoness.
But even though these are pretty lewd, they’re still meant to be found. Anyone can stumble upon them – even someone’s kid. Just kidding, kids can only stumble upon Fortnite's “accidentally" lewd content. Older players, however, may end up learning that they've missed out on some bizarre stuff. Like, more seasoned players might know Naughty Dog’s older logo,
but most don’t know that when looking at that, they were just a secret input away from finding its secret logo, one that felt more like the prototype of GTA poster.
If that leaves readers wondering what else could the devs of the time have been hiding in the depths of their code, we're happy to inform everyone that we've found the likely king of hidden lewd content.
Youtuber Larry Bundy Jr discovered that “accidentally” cranking Lara Croft’s boob size slider up to 11 actually represented the devs at Core Design at their least pervy. A few years prior to winning the horny lottery as well as the regular one with Tomb Raider, Core made Dynamite Dux, a sidescroller where two armed ducks went on a journey to rescue their shared girlfriend (that was a thing in the '80s, right?) from an evil wizard. There was a rumor going around that the game featured an incredibly rowdy Easter egg, but the mainstream didn’t learn of it for 30 goddamn years.
Sometime after the release of the game, one data miner found a password that unearthed some very spicy images from the depths of the game's code. He promptly shared the news with many of the big gaming magazines of the time. The result? Well, one would expect a riot in the gaming community as the hacker granted everyone the chance to see the ducks' girlfriend without a top on, but nobody even cared to test it because they deemed it too damn outrageous to be real. But it was. In the Amiga and Atari ST versions of the game, players could not only unlock a topless girlfriend,
they could even unlock topless bunnies that somehow featured human boobs.
We’re no longer having a hard time believing the creator of Lara Croft’s testimony that the higher-ups at the company pushed for an official Nude Raider mode.
Top Image: Square Enix