Disney Bent Over Backwards To Disprove A (Gruesome) 'Star Wars' Fan Theory

There are all kinds of crazy fan theories concerning Star Wars including C-3PO secretly being an Imperial spy, the Force not really existing, and the entire saga being a nightmare being dreamt by Harrison Ford on the set of Hollywood Homicide. But one of the most convincing theories, which we’ve pointed out in the past, involves the Ewoks – specifically how those bloodthirsty critters spent the triumphant party at the end of Return of the Jedi dining on Stormtrooper meat.

Like, it makes sense; the Ewoks were about to roast Luke and Han alive before Threepio faked his God status and convinced them to do otherwise. And following the battle of Endor, suddenly the bodies of all the stormtroopers disappeared, and only their helmets (which may or may not have housed severed heads) remained. 

Perhaps because rumors of devouring human flesh aren’t exactly great for the Ewok plush toy business, Disney went to great lengths to ret-con this story, and conclusively illustrate that the losing Imperial forces didn’t end up in a bunch of Ewok tummies. In a 2017 animated short, part of the Star Wars Forces of Destiny YouTube series, we get to see a cartoony recreation of the immediate aftermath of the Rebel victory. And, yeah, the Ewoks are totally preparing to kill and eat those Stormtroopers. But Princess Leia takes offense and sends Han on an errand to find some “ration sticks” to feed those adorable beasts instead.

Han ends up having to bargain for the rations with Hera from Star Wars Rebels (synergy!), and he eventually convinces the Ewoks to eat his preservative-filled garbage food instead of freshly-barbecued bad guys. Thus Leia was able to save the lives of a handful of souls, reaffirming the Rebels’ hero status, despite the fact that her friends literally just blew up thousands of those guys, and everybody cheered like it was happy hour on Life Day.

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Top Image: Lucasfilm